


Pay for the Day

by Batteryafter



Series: Oh, This Time of Day [1]
Category: Day6 (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Character Death, Drugs, Eating Disorder, M/M, Mentions of Junhyeok, Multi, Sad, Self Harm, Sexual Tension, Smut, based off personal experiences, enjoy, im a bad person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 00:37:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12569716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batteryafter/pseuds/Batteryafter





	1. Tempted Fate

Dowoon stretches his legs out from under his blanket, kicking them off dramatically. He looks around the hotel room for Young K. The bed beside his is empty but the shower is running. He crawls out of the bed and walks over to his suitcase, flipping it open. A white shirt catches his eye and he quickly grabs for it and a pair of pants. 

Young K jumps as the bathroom door opens. He turns to see Dowoon rubbing his eyes and grabbing blindly for his toothbrush. 

“Uh, dude? You couldn't have waited 2 more minutes?” Young K asks popping his head around the clear shower curtain. 

“I've seen your junk before and I needed to get ready. You were taking too long.” Dowoon says without turning around. He looks up in the mirror and Young K turns away awkwardly. “Alright, I'll leave!” 

Dowoon walks out of the bathroom and over to the bed, flopping down face first. He quickly gets up and runs over to Young K’s bed. The bed is perfectly made. Dowoon looks over at his bed and sees it's messily thrown apart. He imagines how mad Young K would be if he messed his bed up.

Young K emerges from the steam filled bathroom, still wrapped in his towel. He waddles over to his suitcase and opens it. His clothes lay neatly folded inside. Dowoon looks over at Young K and tries to hide his smirk. His face drops as he wonders we he found Young K so attractive so suddenly. Young K picks his outfit and turns to Dowoon. 

“Okay. Go get dressed so I can stop being naked.” Young K walks to his bed. 

Dowoon looks at Young K and nods, slightly disappointed that he can't watch him get dressed. He stops his thoughts again, trying to understand why they are happening. Young K tells him again to leave and he hurries into the bathroom. When he enters, he daydreams about Young K in the shower. He peels his pants off and sits in the edge of the tub. His mind wanders off far away, thinking about how close he's gotten with Young K. Dowoon snaps out of it when he hears a knock on the hotel door. He quickly jumps up while taking his shirt off. As he hears Young K answer the door, Dowoon throws a pair of pants on and walks out the bathroom with his shirt halfway on. 

Jae and Sungjin stand at the doorway holding two disposable lunch boxes. Dowoon and Young K happily take them and thank the boys. 

“Eat well!” Jae says while turning to walks away. 

Young K stops him before he gets too far. Sungjin has already walked back into his room. Jae looks at Young K awkwardly and confused. 

“Make sure you eat too. I'm worried about you, Jae.” Young K says, looking Jae directly in the eye. 

“I'll eat. Don't worry, man.” Jae says trying to walk away. 

Young K grabs his arm. “You're going to eat all of it. Even if I have to sit and watch you. We can all eat as a group if we need to. Or we can have a V Live.” 

Jae’s face is serious but he's trying to act normal. He lowers his head. “I'll eat everything. I promise.”

“Good. I want to see proof when you're done.”

Young K turns around and walks back into his room. Jae slides his feet on the way to his room. He sits at the table and opens the lunch box. His hands hover over the chopsticks for a few seconds before he actually grabs them. Sungjin, who is happily eating across from him looks up in concern. 

“Hey, you better finish that. I'm not eating your food again.” Sungjin glares. 

Jae, annoyed, picks up a piece of beef and puts it in his mouth. He sighs before picking up another piece. Sungjin continues eating, pulling out his phone and texting Young K. 

Young K checks the text saying that Jae is in fact eating. He sets the phone down and looks over at Dowoon who is practically inhaling his food. He can't help but laugh at the difference between his fellow members. Dowoon looks up and smiles at Young K before setting his chopsticks down. He gestures for Young K to eat. Young K chuckles and goes back to eating. The two finish their lunch in a few minutes. Dowoon grabs the trash and takes it to the trash can. He walks to the bathroom and washes his hands before going back to his bed. 

Dowoon lands face first in his pillows and sighs. Young K walks over to him and smacks his butt hard. Dowoon jumps up and kicks at Young K’s crotch. 

“I swear to god, Brain.” Dowoon threatens. 

Young K jumps on top of Dowoon’s back and beats him with a pillow. “It's. Young. K.” 

Dowoon manages to flip over so that Young K is straddling him. He blocks a blow to his face, grabbing the pillow and throwing it to the side. Young K goes to grab a new one but Dowoon stops him. He feels something odd below him. It takes him a few seconds to realize that Dowoon has a boner. He looks at him confused and shocked. Dowoon notices and pushes Young K to the side and covering his face with his pillow. Young K rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh, and stands up. He walks into the bathrooms and locks the door. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Dowoon whispers to himself. 

His mind fills with different scenarios of what Young K could be doing in the bathroom. Is he texting the other members about him being a freak? Or maybe he's throwing up at the thought of Dowoon. He jumps out of the bed and runs to the bathroom door. His heart races as he places his ear on the wood. At first he can't hear anything so he presses harder against the door. He hears a soft moan and pulls away quickly. Shit, did he just moan? Dowoon thinks to himself before running to the table to sit down. No it couldn't have been a moan. Young K probably just cleared his throat. Yeah that's exactly what he did. Dowoon sharply exhales, jumping at the bathroom door opening. 

Young K walks past Dowoon, avoiding eye contact. Dowoon stands up and puts his shoes on, grabbing a keycard and his wallet before walking out. He quickly makes his way down the hall and out the front doors. The staff watch him sit on a bench and bury his face in his hands. Young K rushes out and looks around. The front desk manager points outside at Dowoon. Young K thanks her and runs out to him. He stares before going to sit next to Dowoon. Dowoon jumps when he feels an arm wrap around his shoulders. He looks up at Young K, who is smiling at him. Young K pulls him closer and hugs him tight. Dowoon sniffles and throws his hands up in frustration. 

“You don't have to do this. I know I'm a freak.” Dowoon shakes his head. 

“Every one of us gets boners. It's normal. I'm more upset you called me Brian.” Young K laughs. 

“It's your name, Brian.” Dowoon smirks. 

Dowoon gets up and quickly runs back in the hotel towards his room. Young K follows, yelling his stage name down the hall. They reach the door at the same time, trying to touch the keycard to the sensor. Dowoon drops his and smacks Young K’s out of his hand, onto the floor. Young K tries to grab one of the cards but Dowoon grabs him by the hair and pulls him up. Young K’s body stiffens and he stares at Dowoon who is staring back. Dowoon pulls his head back and Young K doesn't resist or fight back. 

Young K gasps at Dowoon’s power over him. His heart races as Dowoon pulls his head back more. Dowoon stares at Young K’s neck, at the veins, at his pulse. He bites his bottom lip and let go of the hair slowly. Young K looks at Dowoon, swallowing hard. As Dowoon slides down the door to get the keycard, Young K grabs him by the arm. He breathes deeply and pulls Dowoon back up to face level. Dowoon's heart skips a beat when Young K leans in closer. 

The two jump when a door opens behind them, straightening themselves. Wonpil walks out and looks at the two. Young K smiles and waves at him while Dowoon grabs the keycards and opens the door. The two run into the room and close the door. Wonpil shrugs it off and walks to Jae and Sungjin’s room. 

“So we should get ready for dress rehearsal” Young K says, rubbing his head awkwardly. 

“Great idea. I'll be waiting in Jae's room.” Dowoon replies while walking to the door. 

Young K walks into the bathroom as soon as Dowoon leaves. He leans on the vanity and runs his fingers through his hair. The thought of Dowoon grabbing his hair and taking control of him was almost too much to handle. He feels his body heating up as he imagines what it would feel like if he had successfully made a move. His thoughts stop when he remembers he needs to get ready for rehearsal. He brushes his hair and runs out of the room, over to Jae’s. 

He knocks on the door and hears yelling from inside. Confused, he knocks again. Sungjin opens the door and quickly pulls Young K in. He looks at Sungjin concerned as he's led to the bathroom. Jae is laying in the bathtub, unconscious. Wonpil and Dowoon are trying to splash water on him to wake him up, yelling his name. Sungjin leans down and lightly smacks him, failing to wake him. Young K gets his phone out and calls an ambulance, trying not to freak out. Sungjin looks up at him and tells him to hang up because the managers have already done it. 

“What happened?” Young K asks, leaning against Wonpil’s back. 

“He ran to the bathroom and started puking. When I went to check on him, he was passed out and his nose was bleeding.” Sungjin explains before hyperventilating. “He was fine! He even ate today!”

“Sungjin, Young K, get out. He needs to breathe and crowding around won't help.” Wonpil demands. “Dowoon and I will stay with him. Go wait with the managers in the lobby.” 

The two slowly leave the room, concerned for their friend's wellbeing. Young K bites at the skin around his fingers as they walk down the hall to the lobby. Their manager walks up to them and tells them it'll be okay. Sungjin paces around outside waiting for the ambulance to arrive. He sees it driving into the lot and runs back into the lobby and towards the room. Young K runs to him and stops him, wrapping his hands around him and pulling him back. The EMTs rush in and the managers show them to the room. Sungjin pushes Young K off and tries to hold back tears. Young K shakes as the two rush back to the room. Wonpil and Dowoon are outside of the room with the managers and a hotel staff member. Everyone watches as an EMT places an oxygen mask over Jae’s face and hoists him out of the tub and onto the floor. They wrap him in a towel and try to wake him up. 

One EMT walks out and asks who Jae’s roommate is. Sungjin steps forward and they walk back into the room to talk. Dowoon breaks down crying, turning to Young K. He buries his face in his chest, trying to breathe as best he can. Young K wraps his arm around him while staring at the door in front of him. Everyone watches as the EMT’s wheel Jae out. They go to follow but their manager stops them, telling them someone will get the van for them. Everyone heads to the front and watches as Jae is loaded into the ambulance. 

The ambulance drives off and the boys wait outside for the van. Dowoon is still attached to Young K, who still had his arm wrapped around him. After a few minutes, a black van pulls up and the driver comes out to open the door for them. Everyone piles in, Dowoon and Young K in the third row, Sungjin and Wonpil in front of them. They drive towards the hospital, wishing the driver would speed to get here. Dowoon leans his head on Young K’s shoulder, wiping away his tears. Young K shakes his leg nervously the whole ride, fingers bleeding from biting them too much. The driver pulls into the hospital and the boys jump out before the van is fully stopped. They thank the driver and run into the emergency room. Young K walks up to the desk. 

“Excuse me, has a Park Jae-Hyung been brought in yet?” Young K asks politely but frantic. 

Before the woman can answer, their manager comes around the corner and greets them. The boys follow the manager to ER room 2. Jae lays, still unconscious, with an IV and heart monitor connected to him. The oxygen mask is still over his face to help him breathe. 

“I'll make an announcement for the cancellation of the show tonight. If he doesn't wake up tonight, I'm canceling tomorrow's show as well.” The manager says before walking out. 

Sungjin sits in the chair right beside Jae’s bed and lays his hand on his shoulder. Wonpil closes the blinds on the door and leans against it. 

“Why can't we just cancel the tour? He's clearly too sick to stand on stage.” Sungjin says, annoyed. 

“You know the managers won't allow that.” Wonpil replies back. 

“Let's just focus on right now, guys!” Young K snaps at them. 

A nurse walks in and everyone moves to the side to let him in. He writes down Jae’s stats and begins to walk away. Young K follows him and closes the door behind him. 

“What's wrong with him?” Young K asks in a low tone. 

“When your friend induced vomiting, he ruptured blood vessels around his body, causing the nosebleed and severely injured his stomach. He tore the lining and there is some internal bleeding. We also found traces of acetaminophen in his system. More than what should be taken at one time.” The nurse explains, pulling his clipboard close to his chest. 

“You're saying he overdosed?” Young K looks at the closed door. “That doesn't make sense. He's not that type of person.” 

“I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you.” 

The nurse walks away and Young K slowly opens the door, looking over at Jae. “Guys, we should go back to the hotel. He's really sick and needs rest.” 

Sungjin looks up and stands. “Why do we need to leave? He is resting! We can leave after he wakes up.” 

“He-He overdosed. I don't think he's waking up for a while.” 

“What? That's impossible. He'd literally never do that!” 

Young K says nothing, turning to leave. Dowoon follows closely, grabbing for his arm. Young K pushes him off and keeps walking. Wonpil stares at Sungjin for a few seconds before walking out. Sungjin starts crying, looking at Jae laying peacefully asleep. He puts his head down on Jae's shoulder, shaking from crying too hard. 

“There's no way you did this. Please wake up.” Sungjin whispers into the fabric. “I love you.” 

The other members arrive back at the hotel, splitting into their respective rooms. Young K and Dowoon sit silently at the table. They stare at each other's hands, Dowoon wiping tears from his eyes every few seconds. Young K stands up, throwing the TV remote across the room. Dowoon gets up and wraps his arms around Young K. He breathes deeply trying not to cry again. Young K chokes his tears back. The two walk over to a bed and sit down. They try to calm themselves, laying down. Dowoon wraps his arm around Young K's waist. Young K turns to him, putting his arm around his waist as well. They hold each other, staring in each other's eyes. Young K feels his body relax in Dowoon's arms. His heartbeat speeds up as he pulls Dowoon closer to him. Dowoon buries his face into Young K's shoulder, breathing in deeply. The smell of Young K calms him down. 

They lay like this for about an hour. Young K sits up and looks at Dowoon. He asks him to sit up too, which he does. His eyes meet Dowoon's and his heart skips a beat. Dowoon stares at him with glossy eyes. Young K leans closer and closes his eyes. Dowoon does the same, not sure what he is anticipating. Young K places his hand on Dowoon's cheek. He sighs before bringing his face closer, kissing Dowoon's lips lightly. Dowoon opens his eyes and looks at Young K. He places his hand on his neck, pushing him forward for another kiss. They let go of each other and look away awkwardly. Dowoon's cheeks get pink and he stands up, wobbling a little bit. He smiles and tries to hide his face. 

“I'm going to take a nap. Do-do you want to join me?” Dowoon asks, laughing at himself. 

Young K chuckles and walks to the wall, turning the lights off. The two take their shoes off and set them at the door. Dowoon lays down on his bed, getting under the covers. Young K follows, wrapping his arm around Dowoon. They drift off to sleep, with an alarm set. 

Sungjin holds Jae's hand, staring at the IV. He looks up and sighs, trying not to cry again. Jae's finger twitches and he groans slightly. Sungjin jumps up and stares at Jae. 

“Oh god, please wake up.” Sungjin begs. 

Jae opens his eyes and looks around. He tries to sit up but is too weak. Sungjin places a hand in his chest while trying not to cry. He wraps his arms around Jae’s body and begins to weep. 

“Why, Jae? Why did you hurt yourself?” Sungjin asks trying not to get angry. Wiping his tears away, he checks the time in his phone. “You were out for 5 hours.”

“What happened?” Jae asks through his oxygen mask. “I feel like death.” 

“What did you take, Jae?” Sungjin gets upset and balls his fists, just wanting to understand this whole situation. 

Jae blinks hard and looks away. “It was an accident. My head kept hurting. Then my hands. I can't have my hands cramping during a show. I just kept taking medicine until it stopped.” 

“You know better than to do that. You could have died! Do you know what you put us through?” 

“I don't. I'm sorry.” 

“Please just tell me when something's wrong and I'll try my best to help you. I really thought I lost you.” 

Sungjin buries his face into Jae's chest, trying to control his breathing. Jae weakly puts his hand on top of Sungjin’s head. He pulls his hand away as a violent tremor flows through him. His head gets heavy and his body goes limp. Sungjin looks up, in panic, seeing Jae has drastically been drained of color. He runs out to get help, finding a doctor just outside the room. The doctor asks what's wrong and Sungjin tries to explain what happened. They rush into the room. The doctor sees Jae's stats lowering and calls for a nurse. The nurse bumps Sungjin out of the room, closing the door in his face. He can hear muffled yelling before the door is thrown open. Sungjin jumps to the side as they quickly wheel Jae out of the room, towards emergency surgery. 

'Can you come to the hospital? I can't be alone right now.'

Wonpil checks his phone and immediately begins getting ready. It takes him less than a minute to be out the door. He asks a manager if he can borrow their car. As he leaves the parking lot, he thinks about how much Sungjin loves Jae. His stomach hurts as he realizes he'll never get to be with Sungjin. Pulling into the hospital parking lot, Wonpil instantly finds a spot, almost forgetting to turn the car off. Sungjin sits on a chair in the ER waiting room. Wonpil walks in, looking around for Sungjin, who stands up as soon as he walks in. They meet each other halfway, Sungjin practically collapsing into Wonpil’s arms. 

“They rushed him into to emergency surgery. I don't know what's wrong. I texted Dowoon and Young K, they are on their way.” Sungjin straightens himself. “I'm just really glad you're here.” 

Wonpil stares at him for a second. “You're glad that I'm here?” 

“I can always count on you to be there for me.” 

Wonpil feels a tingle go up his spine as he smiles. He hugs Sungjin tightly. The ER doors open and they hear two people run in. Dowoon comes behind Wonpil and hugs him while Young K comes around to Sungjin. They all pull away and sit down. Sungjin explain everything and Young K starts getting upset, hitting his leg in frustration. Dowoon grabs his hand to calm him down. Sungjin and Wonpil look over at the two, raising their eyebrows at them. Young K stands up and walks down the hall to the bathroom. He locks the door and stares in the mirror. 

The light in the bathroom is so bright it hurts Young K’s eyes. He squints and puts his head down, sliding down the wall onto the floor. His hands shake as he reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out a small bag. A small pill drops out as he dumps the bag over into his hand. Without a thought, he pops it in his mouth, swallowing it using his saliva. He stuffs the baggie back in his pocket and stands back up. His reflection blurs slightly so he leans closer. A stream of blood slowly drips from his nose so he instinctively wipes it away. The blood smears across his cheek so he turns the faucet on and washes it away. A knock on the door makes him jump and turn the water off. 

Young K grabs a paper towel and holds it to his nose. “Just a second.”

“Are you alright? You’ve been in there a while.” Dowoon shouts through the door. 

Young K opens the door and smiles at Dowoon. He sniffles and puts his arm around him, walking back to the lobby. Dowoon looks at him, concerned and confused. Young K’s legs have stopped shaking but he still bites his nails. Wonpil glares at Young K before looking back at Sungjin. Everyone sits quietly, waiting for anyone to give them an update. Dowoon lays his head on Young K’s shoulder as Young K puts his hand on his thigh. Wonpil holds Sungjin’s hand tightly while looking over at Young K.

“Are you here for Park Jae-hyung?” A nurse asks, standing behind Dowoon. 

The boys stand up and stare at her. Sungjin steps forward and clears his throat. “Is Jae alright?”

“He is out of surgery. We will be admitting him for the night to keep an eye on him. He really hurt his body but if you’d like to see him, it’s room 1015. I must warn you, he will be pretty drugged up and may be hard to speak with.” 

The boys immediately run to down the hall, leaving the nurse behind. They find Jae’s room and throw the door open. Jae lays in his bed, staring out the window. He doesn’t react when everyone walks up to him. Sungjin goes around to him, placing his hand on Jae’s head. Jae blinks and looks at Sungjin, smiling. He breathes deeply before grabbing for Sungjin’s hand. Young K steps behind everyone as he gets a sharp pain in his side, letting go of Dowoon’s hand. Dowoon turns and sees him doubled over and walking out of the room. Young K leans against the wall until the pain subsides. Dowoon peaks his head out but Young K assures him he’s fine. He stands up straight and walks back in, arm around Dowoon’s waist. 

Jae looks over at Young K and Dowoon. “So, when did that happen?” 

“Oh. Uh. We aren’t- this morning I guess.” Young K stutters out. 

Dowoon blushes and puts his head down then into Young K’s chest. Young K takes his hand. Jae notices Young K looking sick and pale but says nothing about it. He closes his eyes and clears his throat. “I-um should get some rest. You too, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

They all agree and start to say their goodbye’s. Everyone leaves one by one, Young K being the last. He leans down and hugs Jae. 

“I thought you stopped taking those pills.” Jae whispers into Young K’s ear.

“And I thought you knew Wonpil likes Sungjin but here you two are, dating.” Young K says, pulling away before walking out of the room.


	2. Take It Or Leave It

Wonpil pulls into an empty parking space in the mall. Sungjin takes his seatbelt off and opens the door, swinging his feet around dramatically. The two walk into the mall, looking around at its large size. Wonpil walks up to a directory and begins to read what stores are there. Sungjin hops up to him and pulls him away.

“It’s more fun to find them ourselves.” Sungjin smiles, leading them to the escalator.

Dowoon lays on the couch across from the beds, hands crossed in front of him. He looks over at the empty beds and sighs. His heart aches as he remembers Young K acting weird at the hospital. Why was he in the bathroom so long? Why was he in pain? The hotel door opens and Dowoon sits up, staring at Young K, concerned. Young K takes his shoes off and walks slowly to table. His balance is weak so he grabs a chair to steady himself. Dowoon notices and jumps up, holding him up by his arm. Young K is cold and sweating, trying not to get sick. He pulls away from Dowoon and starts walking towards his bed, falling over as he reaches Dowoon’s.

“Woah! Hey, what’s wrong with you?” Dowoon panics, catching Young K and setting him on the bed.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just need a nap before the show.” Young K says, shivering.

Dowoon’s concern grows as he knows there isn’t a show tonight. “Should I call someone? You look really sick.”

Young K kicks at Dowoon, making him back away. Dowoon stares at him before walking back to the couch. He takes his phone out and checks a text from Jae.

‘I’m bored. Bring me food.’

Dowoon chuckles and shakes his head before going to put his shoes on. He walks over to Young K, who is passed out in an uncomfortable position, and kisses his forehead. As he walks out, he hears a weird noise coming from Wonpil’s room. He ignores it and walks out, using the manager’s car to visit Jae. The car fits between two silver cars in the Burger King parking lot. As he walks in, he panics a little at the thought of ordering in English without help of his friends. The woman at the counter greets him and he awkwardly greets her back. He orders a basic meal for Jae and pays, wondering if the woman even understood him. A few minutes of waiting, a different employee places the bag on the counter. He takes it, thanks them, and leaves.

Jae smiles when he sees Dowoon walks in. Dowoon places the brown bag on the table beside the bed and sits down. Jae sits up, grabbing for the bag. He opens it and places everything in front of him. Unwrapping the burger, he places it in front of his mouth. Before he takes a bite, his mind fills with horrible thoughts. He goes to put it down but Dowoon lifts it back up to his face. Dowoon glares at Jae with an eyebrow raised.

“You made me buy you food, you better eat it.” Dowoon keeps his hand on Jae’s wrist.

“My stomach hurts, maybe I shouldn’t.” Jae tries to hide his nervous smile.

“You’ll have to eat today anyway. Might as well make the meal enjoyable. You need to get better.”

“And a burger will help?”

“Shut up and eat.” Dowoon let’s go of Jae and sits back. “So, why did you text me and not Sungjin?”

“He wasn’t answering his phone. But I knew he was hanging out with Wonpil so maybe they are busy.”

Dowoon suddenly remembers the weird noises coming from Wonpil’s room, wincing a little. He looks up at Jae and smiles. “I think they said they were seeing a movie.”

Young K sits up suddenly, gasping from the weird dream he was having. He jumps off the bed and looks for Dowoon. When he doesn’t find him, he quickly runs out of the room, almost forgetting his shoes. In the hallway, he collides with Dowoon, falling into the wall. Dowoon grabs him by the arms and asks if he’s okay. Young K nods and hugs him tightly. Dowoon gives him a strange look as he pulls away. He explains his bad dream, where he was stuck in another universe, unable to reach Dowoon. The more he explains his dream, the more worried Dowoon becomes. He wraps his arms around Young K’s shoulders and reassures him it’s okay.

They walk into the room, Young K asking Dowoon a million questions. Dowoon answers them all one right after another, confused by Young K’s paranoia. He tries to sway the questions by turning the TV on and finding a channel they both enjoy. Young K calms down and sits on the bed.

“What the hell is wrong with you, lately?” Dowoon snaps at Young K.

Young K stares at Dowoon, shaking and starting to cry. “I-I’ve been weak. I messed up.” He puts his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Dowoon.”

Dowoon steps closer, holding his hand out for Young K. “Hey-Hey it’s okay. What did you do?” He stares at Young K, who looks up and gasps for air. Young K holds his hand out and grabs Dowoon’s, standing up and hugging him. Dowoon pulls away and Young K walks to the bathroom. “Hey. What’s wrong! Young K, tell me what you did.”

Young K closes and locks the door in Dowoon’s face. He slides down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Dowoon stares at the door, concerned about what Young K is doing in there. He sits a chair in front of the door and waits. Young K pulls his pant leg up, sliding a needle out from his sock. His hands shake as he uncaps the needle. He pushes his sleeve up carefully, while holding the needle in his teeth. Dowoon bites his nail waiting for Young K to at least make a noise in there. Eventually, he stands up and walks out of the room in frustration.

Wonpil and Sungjin walk out of the mall. Sungjin checks his phone to see a text from Jae. He ignores it, putting the phone back in his pocket. Wonpil looks at the ground as he unlocks the car. As the two get in, Wonpil sets the keys on his lap. He sighs and turns to Sungjin. Sungjin is playing with a button in his jacket. He slowly looks up to Wonpil, who is still staring. Wonpil blindly grabs the keys and starts the car. He blinks and looks away, apologizing for staring.

“Do you want to watch a movie tonight?” Wonpil asks.

Sungjin looks up and smiles at Wonpil as they pull out of the lot. “Sure, that’d be great.” He takes his phone out. “Jae keeps texting me.”

Wonpil looks over to him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, he’s just bored.” Sungjin puts the phone in his back pocket.

Dowoon walks into Jae’s room, careful not to wake him up. He slowly sits in the chair beside Jae’s bed. Jae groans and opens his eyes as Dowoon leans forward. He smiles and greets him, sitting up.

“I didn’t expect to see you here. What’s up?” Jae asks, looking at Dowoon’s bloody fingernails.

“Brian’s been acting really weird, lately. Sick and sweaty, constantly locking himself in the bathroom. He wouldn’t come out so I just left.” Dowoon’s leg starts to shake.

“You want to know what’s wrong?”

“I’m worried. The last time he was like this-” Dowoon’s stomach drops and he buries his face in his hands, sighing deeply. “Shit.”

“He really needs help. I don’t want to see him in the hospital. Or worse.” Jae breathes deeply, trying not to get mad at Young K. He looks around the room then at Dowoon. “Go back to the hotel. He needs you to be there for him.”

“What do I do? He is pushing me away already. I’ve failed a relationship that hasn’t lasted two days.”

“You’ll need to start doing body checks. Check his pockets, his suitcase. It’s never anything worse than pills.”

Dowoon thanks Jae and stands up. He hugs him and leaves, letting Jae go back to sleep. As he walks back into the hotel lobby, Sungjin and Wonpil are standing there with their arms crossed. He walks up to them confused and asks what’s wrong.

“Open your door now.” Sungjin demands, harshly yet concerned.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Dowoon asks as they make their way down the hall.

“Young K won’t open the door. We heard him screaming and crying. We told security that you’d be back to open the door.”

Dowoon sprints to the door, almost breaking the keycard in half trying to open the door. He flings it open and everyone piles in. Young K sits on the bed, staring at the TV. He turns around and smiles, running up to Dowoon. Dowoon hugs him, pulling him into his chest, slightly in shock by how happy he’s acting. He pulls Young K off to see his shirt soaked in sweat.

“We should go out tonight guys.” Young K jumps around excitedly. His mood shifts as everyone stares at him. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“Young K, what did you take?” Dowoon leads him to a chair by his arms.

“I didn’t take anything.” Young K smiles and grabs Dowoon’s hand, kissing it. “You know what, let’s just go to sleep. It’s late.”

Everyone gathers around Young K, carrying him to his bed. Wonpil runs his hands through his hair, annoyed. Sungjin steps back and watches the two make Young K comfortable. Everyone walks out to the hallway. Dowoon explains why Young K is acting like this. Wonpil shakes his head.

“No goddamn way a pill is making him act this way.” Wonpil tries to not yell. “Check his body for marks.”

Wonpil storms into his room, leaving the two alone in the hall. Sungjin looks around awkwardly and apologizes before walking into his room. Dowoon pulls at his hair as he paces in front of the door. He opens the door and stares at Young K’s passed out body. Walking over to Young K’s suitcase, Dowoon holds his breath. He opens it and pulls everything out carefully, not sure what he is looking for. His heart stops at his hand brushes against something hard. He pulls out a empty syringe that was peeking out from a sock. Tears form in his eyes as he squeezes his hand in frustration.

Dowoon runs over to Young K and beats at his chest. Young K wakes up, putting his arms up in self defense. He tries to turn but Dowoon keeps hitting him, yelling out at him. Young K throws a punch, hitting Dowoon in the face, making him stumble back. Dowoon throws the needle at Young K and crumples to the floor.

“Why?” Dowoon cries hysterically. “Don't do this to me.”

Young K trembles as he leans down to Dowoon. He places his hand on his shoulder but he pulls away. “I'm sorry, Dowoon.”

Dowoon pushes Young K back in anger, making him fall on the floor. “Are you trying to kill yourself? Because that's the path you're taking!”

Young K laughs nervously and looks around. “I need some air.” He starts to stand up but Dowoon grabs his arm.

“You're not going anywhere. Stand up. I'm searching you.”

Young K stares at him, offended, but eventually stands up slowly. Dowoon starts to pull his jacket off but Young K takes it off all the way. He looks down at his feet as Dowoon grabs his arm. Dowoon sees a small bloody mark on Young K's arm and a dark circular scar beside it. He puts his hand to his mouth as he grabs Young K's other arm his fingers run over his old scars. Tears fall to the floor as Dowoon sees a fresh cut across Young K's forearm. He sniffles and wipes his tears away, wrapping his arms tightly around Young K. Young K hugs him back, dropping down to his knees. The two hold each other on the floor for what seems like hours. Dowoon's head starts to hurt he more he cries, feeling lightheaded and sick.

Jae picks at the medical tape for his IV. He sits up and swings his feet off the bed, standing up. His stomach aches as he walks over to the bathroom. He closes the door and stares in the mirror, seeing his sunken cheeks. A nurse comes in and knocks on the door informing him that this lunch is ready. He opens the door and stares at the woman. She holds up a bottle of Ensure and he grabs it, walking to the chair. Sungjin walks in to see Jae throw his lunch tray on the ground. The nurse takes a step back as Jae throws the Ensure across the room. Sungjin ducks as the bottle flies past his head and runs to Jae. Jae accidentally rips his IV out and grabs his bleeding hand before yelling out.

“Jae!” Sungjin grabs him. “Jae, honey. Please calm down.”

Jae breathes heavily kicks the IV stand to the ground. Sungjin picks it up and wheels it to the side. He pulls Jae's head into his chest. Jae stares silently, holding onto Sungjin's jacket.

“I just want to leave.” Jae whispers, looking up at Sungjin. “Take me back to the hotel.”

“I really don't think that's a good idea.” Sungjin places his hand on Jae's cheek.

“Let me out.”

“You can discharge yourself, but I really don't suggest that. You're still sick. Please, for me, stay here until you're better.”

“We are disappointing people. I'm disappointing people. Even you're ignoring my texts. I just want my life to go back to normal.”

Wonpil sits in the hospital parking lot, laying his head on the steering wheel. He sighs as he thinks back to the day before. Sungjin sits on his bed while Wonpil buys a movie. They sit and watch the movie until Wonpil can't concentrate and turns it off. Sungjin looks over at him making his heart skip a beat.

“I can't keep doing this, Sungjin.” Wonpil says, clearing his throat.

“Doing what?” Sungjin stares back at him.

“Pretending I'm not in love with you.”

Sungjin blinks and puts his head down. When he looks back up, Wonpil is still staring at him. Wonpil laughs at himself before pulling Sungjin in and kissing him. Sungjin doesn't resist, pushing himself into Wonpil more. Wonpil pushes Sungjin back, pulling his jacket off. He puts his hand under Sungjin's shirt while Sungjin pulls his off. Wonpil sits on top of him as he unbuttons Wonpil’s pants. The two stare at each other before Sungjin goes in for another hard kiss. He shuffles as he pulls his pants down, pushing Wonpil down to his crotch. Wonpil wraps his hand around Sungjin's cock before taking him in his mouth. Sungjin gasps and puts his head back, placing his hands on Wonpil's head. He pushes Wonpil deeper, making him gag and pulls him off by his hair. Wonpil turns Sungjin over and carefully propping himself above him. Sungjin muffled a moan into his pillow as Wonpil enters him. His body relaxes the more Wonpil thrusts forward. Wonpil places his hand on Sungjin's back and digs his nails into the skin.

Wonpil snaps to reality as the passenger side door opens. Sungjin sighs and puts his head in his hands, groaning loudly. He looks up and straightens himself, looking up to the window of Jae's room. He can make out the figure of Jae, sitting on the edge of the windowsill.

“He scares me sometimes.” Sungjin says quietly.

“What do you mean?” Wonpil looks over to him.

“One day he's happy, next he's throwing food across the room, refusing to eat.” Sungjin puts his seatbelt on. “He needs a lot more help than I thought.”

Young K and Dowoon sit on a bed, holding hands. Dowoon can't stop staring at Young K's arms. He picks the jacket up and gives it to Young K who takes it and sets it to the side. His fingers fumble over his old scars as he breathes heavily. Dowoon places his hand on Young K's cheek, bringing his head forward. His voice cracks as he tries to find the right words to say. Young K tries to keep his head down but fails, meeting eyes with Dowoon. Dowoon pulls his hand away and smiles.

“I still love you. That won't change.” Dowoon assures not only Young K but himself as well.

“What will change?” Young K questions, biting the inside of his cheek.

“When you get help, I'll be right beside you holding your hand.”

Young K can't help but smile as a tear rolls down his cheek. He sniffles hard and wipes it away trying not to show how happy he is that he has Dowoon. Dowoon stands up and offers to go out for a bit to get some fresh air. Young K agrees, standing up and grabbing for his jacket. He slings it over his shoulder and the two walk out. The two walk across the street to a playground and sit on the swings. They stay and talk for hours, watching the sunset around them. Young K stands up and walks in front of Dowoon.

“We should make tonight special.” Young K smiles.

“Okay, how so?” Dowoon bites his lip.

“I want you.” Young K gets quiet. “If you're ready for that, I mean.”

Dowoon stares at him with glossy eyes and grabs his waist. He pulls him forward and breathes in his scent. His shoulders fall as slowly stands up. He closes his eyes and kisses Young K deeply while pushing him back against a pole.

Jae walks down the hallway humming Congratulations quietly. He holds onto the railing, staring down at the floor tiles. His eyes travel up as he walks past someone's room. A man gets held down as a nurse injects his IV with something. Jae quickly walks back to his room, stopping at the doorway. He sees Sungjin sitting on the windowsill, watching the rain fall. As he walks in, Sungjin turns and stands up.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Sungjin takes his hand.

“I couldn't sit still. Something's been really bothering me.” Jae sits down on the bed. He looks at Sungjin and breaths in deeply. “Are you still in love with me?”

Sungjin pulls back in shock. “Of course I am. Why would you doubt that?”

“Why would you be with someone so broken? I'm not worth it anymore. I'm sorry I've put you through all of this. I wouldn't be surprised if you left me for someone better.”

“Hey, don't say that.” Sungjin wraps his arm around Jae. “You mean the world to me and I'd never hurt you.”

Jae nods and kisses Sungjin's cheek before laying down. Sungjin pulls the covers over him and smiles. He kisses Jae before sitting down in the chair. Jae falls asleep as someone walks through the door. Sungjin looks up to see Wonpil, covered in dust and blood. A nurse rushes in and grabs Wonpil and tries to lead him away. Sungjin rushes to him as he falls into his arms. The nurse calls for a gurney and tries to get Sungjin to move. He pushes her back and he starts to panic. His stomach drops as he watches Wonpil lose color as a small puddle of blood pools onto his shirt.

“Wonpil? Oh god what happened?” Sungjin cried loudly. “Wake up!”

Two nurses pull him off as two others lift Wonpil onto the gurney. He stares in shock as they wheel Wonpil towards the elevator. A nurse slowly helps him up and he backs into Jae's room. Jae stands at the foot of his bed staring at Sungjin. Sungjin runs to him, burying his face in Jae's chest.

“I can't do this anymore.” Sungjin yells, running out of the room, towards the ER.

Once he reaches the lobby of the ER, he hears Wonpil screaming in pain. As he tries to open the door, a security guard stops him. He covers his mouth as another deafening scream comes from the room. His hands start to shake as he gets his phone out to text the others. He remembers talking to Wonpil just before coming to the hospital, finding it weird that the call got disconnected suddenly. He heard Wonpil whispering an apology before the call dropped. It hits him that Wonpil must have gotten into an accident while on his way back to the hotel. He puts his phone in his pocket and waits outside for the boys to come.

15 minutes later they rush through the door. They run right past Sungjin and over to Wonpil's room. The same guard stops them and they look over at Sungjin shocked.

“We saw the car on the side of road. It's a miracle he's alive.” Young K says.

Sungjin laughs hysterically, running his hands through his hair. He stops when he notices Young K isn't wearing a jacket. His eyes travel down to the cuts and wounds on his arms. Young K crosses his arms and Dowoon clears his throat. Just before he can speak, they hear Wonpil let out a loud curse before going quiet. Sungjin get nervous and walks away, up towards Jae's floor. The two follow close behind him. He bursts into Jae's room, making Jae jump and sit up quickly. Sungjin grabs him by the arms and pulls him forward.

“Don't you ever hurt yourself again. Do you hear me? I'm tired of seeing the people I love get hurt.” Sungjin looks over to Young K. “That includes you.” He keeps his grip on Jae, trying not to shake him. “No more refusing to eat or I'm forcing you into a goddamn mental hospital.”

“Sungjin, please calm down. Let go, you're hurting me.” Jae says, trying to pry Sungjin off.

“I'm sick of seeing you killing yourself. Answer me. Are you going to recover or am I admitting you?”

Jae stares, mouth open as everyone watches him for an answer. He doesn't say anything as Sungjin holds onto him tighter. Sungjin shakes him and starts to scream.

“Answer me!”

Young K and Dowoon grab Sungjin and pull him off of Jae. He tries to push away but fails. Jae breathes heavily as tears form in his eyes. The two take Sungjin out of the room and carry him outside. They make him sit on a bench.

“What the actual fuck was that?” Dowoon and Young K ask him.

“I-I can't keep doing this. I need him out for my sanity.” He pauses to control himself. “I did something I shouldn't have.”

“What did you do?” Young K questions him.

Dowoon cuts Sungjin off before he can answer. “You slept with Wonpil, didn't you?”

Sungjin can speak so he nods. The two shake their heads in disbelief. “Please. I'm begging you, don't tell Jae.”

Young K storms back into the hospital, as Dowoon watches him walk to the bathrooms. Dowoon curses to himself and runs in after Young K. He gets to the bathroom door and pounds on it, yelling Young K's name. Sungjin slowly comes up behind Dowoon as he kicks the door hard.

“Don't do this to me!” Dowoon yells through the door. “You're stronger than this.”

Young K leans his hands on the sink as his shoulders weigh him down. He blocks out Dowoon's yelling and pulls out a small bag of white powder, setting it on the counter. His body shakes as he looks down at his wounded arms. _Don't do this to yourself. You're stronger than this._


	3. Slipping Away

Dowoon continues to pound on the door, begging for Young K to come out. Young K wipes his nose and stares in the mirror. He sighs and opens the door, making Dowoon stumble back. Dowoon tries to grab for Young K but he misses, falling into Sungjin. They stare as Young K walks into the waiting room and sits down in a chair. Sungjin sees a nurse walk out of Wonpil's room, taking her gloves off. He runs to her.

“Excuse me, is my friend going to be alright?” Sungjin asks, cutting in front of the woman.

“He will make a full recovery, but not without a few scars. The seatbelt cut at his waist as well as glass shattering over his face and body. You can see him but he is heavily medicated.” The nurse says, stepping around Sungjin and walking down the hall.

Sungjin calls Young K and Dowoon over and they all step inside the room. Wonpil lays peacefully, bandages around his face and body. Everyone gathers around the bed, staring at him. The door opens and they all turn around. Jae stands there, barefoot in his hospital gown. He slowly walks in, staring ahead at Wonpil, walking to the chair beside the bed. Sungjin walks beside Jae and takes his hand.

“It feels like we're cursed.” Jae says under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

He sighs and looks up at Sungjin, who is already looking down at him. Jae shakes his head and laughs almost becoming hysteric. He stands up and walks out of the room and a nurse escorts him back upstairs. Young K sniffles and rubs his eyes, leaning against the wall. Dowoon goes up to the bed and lays his hand on Wonpil's shoulder. Wonpil opens his eyes and jumps back at the touch. He looks around with tired eyes, trying to focus on the faces of everyone. Everyone gets close and greets him.

“Oh hey guys. My vision is really blurred and I feel like I'm flying.” Wonpil says, scooting himself up.

“Holy crap, dude. How are you even awake right now?” Young K asks, trying to smile.

“Whatever drugs they gave me are amazing.” Wonpil laughs, looking over at Young K. “And whatever they gave you is making you lose weight.”

The room gets quiet as they stare at Wonpil. Young K’s mouth hangs open as he lets out a forced laugh. Dowoon puts his head down and walks out of the room. He leans against the wall and sighs, trying not to get emotional. Wonpil falls asleep, making Sungjin and Young K awkwardly stare at each other. Neither of them speak as they leave the room. Dowoon straightens himself as the two walk up to him.

“I, um, I'm gonna go back to the hotel.” Young K says, shuffling his feet.

He walks away, but Dowoon runs after him, grabbing his arm. Young K turns around and glares at him. Dowoon wraps his arm around him, sighing deeply.

“He didn't mean it. He's not in his right mind.” Dowoon tries to reassure him.

“Oh, he meant it. He's been an ass to me this whole week.” Young K shakes his head and walks out of the hospital.

Dowoon drags his feet back to Sungjin, who has been watching from the waiting room. He tries to hold back his frustration but fails, letting out a loud groan. Sungjin watches Dowoon fight with himself for a minute before stopping him. He places a hand on his shoulder and tells him to breathe.

“I feel like I'm suffocating.” Dowoon growls out.

“Tell me about it.” Sungjin says, rolling his eyes.

“I'm not sure who has it worse.” Dowoon forces a laugh.

“Call it even?”

The two force smiles. Sungjin walks upstairs to Jea’s room while Dowoon goes back to Wonpil. Wonpil stares at the ceiling tiles, trying to find faces in them. He sees Dowoon and smiles, weakly waving his hand. Dowoon walks to the chair and sits, keeping his eyes on Wonpil. He plays with his sleeves as they awkwardly look at each other. They look up as a nurse comes in and checks his IV bag. She leaves and the two go back to staring at each other.

Young K walks into the hotel room, gritting his teeth. He checks his phone to see 5 texts and 2 missed calls from Dowoon. His head lowers as he sits at the table. He draws invisible shapes with his finger on the wood. A text comes through from Wonpil, he slowly picks his phone up to look at it.

_**I'm sorry for what I said while under the influence.** _

Young K rolls his eyes and laughs under his breath. His fingers hover over his keyboard before he locks his screen.

Jae looks over at Sungjin, who is staring past him at the wall. He blinks and shakes his head as Jae waves his hands in front of his face. Jae smiles and tries to start a conversation but Sungjin gets distracted again.

“What are you thinking?” Jae asks, a little annoyed.

“I feel like the world is crumbling around us.” Sungjin sighs heavily. “I need to tell you something.”

“What's wrong?”

**_Attention! Attention! Calling Doctor Strong, 2B_ **

Dowoon and Wonpil stare at the intercom above their heads. They are curious as to what is happening. Sungjin throws the door open, holding his head and crying. Dowoon jumps up and goes over to him. Sungjin takes his jacket off and throws it at the wall. Wonpil sits forward, reaching forward for Sungjin's hand. He moves back as a sharp pain comes from his stomach, grabbing at the bandage. His fingers twitch as he lays back down. He closes his eyes and breathes hard. Sungjin drops to his knees and Dowoon takes a step back. He leans down and pulls Sungjin up by his arms.

Young K walks down the road, hands in his pocket. He watches as cars fly by him, counting every blue car he sees. His phone starts to ring, as he looks at the screen a drop of rain falls onto it. The water keeps him from answering the call so he just puts it back in his pocket. He walks over to a cafe and sits at a table, staring at the menu board. His mind wanders off, the longer he sits there. A woman wearing an apron walks up to him, making his head pop up. He smiles and greets her, telling her he isn’t ready to order yet.

Dowoon walks into the hotel room, looking extremely tired. He sees Young K’s jacket sitting over the chair. As he takes his shoes off, he hears coughing and muffled crying coming from the bathroom. The light is off and the door is cracked open. He slowly walks to the door and opens it, calling out for Young K. His heart sinks to his stomach when he turns the light on. Young K lays on the floor, in the fetal position, shaking violently. Dowoon falls down to him and tries to hold his head still. Young K clutches his stomach and he gasps for air. There is vomit in the toilet as well as on the floor. Dowoon tries to get Young K to respond to him, failing. He places his arms under Young K's body, pulling him up. His heart beats fast as he runs out of the room and down the hall. He runs out of the hotel and over to the dress coordinator’s car, placing Young K in the back seat. Getting in the driver’s seat, he quickly starts the car, driving off before he puts his seatbelt on. He tries his best to remember the way to the hospital, almost missing the exit, verging over three lanes of traffic to get to it.

He carries Young K through the parking lot, trying not to lose his grip. Young K starts to dry heave, making Dowoon stop and set him down in the grass. He rolls Young K on his side as he throws up violently. Young K blacks out again, body going limp. Dowoon picks him up again and rushes through the ER. A nurse and administration stop him, asking what happened. Dowoon bursts into tears trying to figure out how to explain what happened. The nurse and Dowoon set Young K down in a wheelchair. As the nurse takes him to a room, she asks Dowoon again what happened.

“I don't know English.” Dowoon cries out before remembering Jae is upstairs. “Hold on!”

He runs up to the stairs and flies to Jae's room. Jae jumps as Dowoon stumbles over the bed frame.

“I need your help. I think Brian overdosed but I can't explain to the nurse what happened. Please translate for me.” He breathes heavily and is shaking.

Jae throws himself out of bed and they run down to the ER. The nurse is checking Young K's stats and getting ready to draw his blood. Jae pushes past Dowoon and stands beside Young K. He looks at the puke stains on the side of his cheek, trying not to get sick. His heart jumps as Young K starts to gag. The nurse props him on his side and holds a bucket to his face. Jae tries not to panic as Young K throws up then goes limp again. He tells the nurse what happened and she immediately calls for a stomach pump and Narcan. The two are asked to leave the room as another nurse comes in. They walk out hesitantly.

Wonpil wakes up in his hotel room. He looks around, confused. As he starts to sit up, he feels a sharp pain in his stomach. Sungjin looks up from the couch and walks over to him.

“Hey be careful, you'll pop your stitches.” Sungjin says, placing his hand on Wonpil's arm.

“My head is killing me. Do we have any medicine?” Wonpil asks, carefully swinging his feet off the bed.

Sungjin takes a bottle from the night stand. “Here. It's your pain medicine. It's time for you to take it anyway.”

Wonpil thanks him and takes the medicine. Sungjin’s phone goes off across the room. He jumps over to it and answers. Dowoon’s voice shakes as he explains what happened. Sungjin lowers the phone and looks at Wonpil, who was trying to listen. He stands up, walking to Sungjin after he drops the phone on the ground. Sungjin stares at the wall, trying not to overreact. Wonpil asks him what happened but Sungjin just takes his arm and leads him out the room. They ride quietly to the hospital in the van. Every few minutes Wonpil would try to get Sungjin to tell him what happened, to no avail. When they arrive, Sungjin naturally walks to the ER. He walks to administration, Wonpil following close behind.

“Kang Younghyun.” Is all Sungjin can say.

The woman types his name in the computer and makes a face. “Seems he was admitted already. Room 1219.”

Wonpil’s body numbs as he hears this. The two look at each other before making their way to the elevator. Sungjin loses color in his face as he walks to the door. Wonpil opens the door and goes in. Dowoon and Jae look up and stand up to greet him. Sungjin forces his body through the doorway, stopping and staring at Jae. Jae gives a small smile but it falls quickly. Everyone gathers around the bed, looking at Young K. A tube has been shoved down his throat and wires spray out from his gown, connected to the monitors. Dowoon sits back down after his legs start to give out. He stares at Young K, shaking his head slightly.

“Um, good news. I’m getting discharged tomorrow.” Jae tries to lighten the mood. He looks at Sungjin.

Sungjin lifts his head. “I’m glad. You and I need some time together.” He looks away. “If you’re okay with that.”

They get quiet again, looking at their feet. For the rest of the night, they sit and watch Young K lay in bed. At around 5am, Jae walks back to his room and the other two leave for the hotel. Dowoon continues to watch over Young K, not falling asleep once. A nurse comes in at 8am to check the stats and to see if Dowoon needed anything. He says no and thanks her, sitting forward in his chair. The next thing he remembers is being woken up by Jae. He stands in front of him, wearing his normal clothes. Sungjin walks in and places a hand on Jae’s shoulder. Jae flinches slightly but doesn't push him off. They stare at Dowoon who panics about falling asleep. He rubs his eyes and sits up in the edge of the chair.

“We are going back to the hotel. I think it's best if you came with us.” Jae says, sighing.

“You're allowed to leave his side.” Sungjin tries to help. “Wonpil can stay with you so you aren't lonely.”

“What a good idea. Yeah let's keep Wonpil with you.” Jae tries not to attack Sungjin.

Dowoon sighs and stands up, but not walking away from the bed. He stares at Young K's motionless body.

At the hotel, everyone sits in Dowoon’s room. Everyone is eating except for Dowoon, who just stares at the food. Wonpil carefully bites at his pizza, trying not to touch the cut on his lip. Sungjin lays in Jae's lap while eating a chicken wing. Dowoon thinks back to the night in the playground. He pushed Young K against a pole and started kissing him passionately. Before things got more heated, they hurried back to the hotel room. When the door closed, Young K didn't hesitate to take his shirt off and began to unbutton his pants. Dowoon slowly followed suit, staring at Young K's body the whole time.

Dowoon was surprised when Young K pushed him backwards on the bed, crawling on top of him. His boxers didn't hide anything as he began kissing Dowoon’s neck, biting between every few kisses. He pawed at Dowoon, who had his head thrown back into the bed. His fingers wrapped around Dowoon’s boxers and he slowly slipped them down just low enough to expose him. Young K scooted himself down to Dowoon's crotch. He didn't hesitate to grab Dowoon’s dick, licking it from base to tip. Dowoon moaned out softly then loudly as Young K took him in fully. He placed his hand on Young K's head, pushing him down as far as possible.

Jae snaps his fingers in front of Dowoon’s face, who blinks and glares at him. He picks up a slice of pizza and takes a bite of it before throwing it down on the plate. Everyone looks at him as he tries to chew the food. He sighs and puts his head down, grabbing for a napkin to spit the food out. Sungjin grabs his plate and slides beside him, putting the pizza to his face.

“Nope, you’re eating. Don’t care if you’re sad.” Sungjin pushes the food to his mouth, making him turn away.

“I’m not a toddler, stop. I’m just not hungry.” Dowoon slaps at Sungjin’s wrist. “Come on, dude.”

Sungjin puts the food back down on the floor and slides back to Jae. He apologizes as he picks a wing up from a box and takes a bite. Wonpil leans forward and groans, making everyone look up at him. He holds his stomach but assures he is fine as he tries to straighten himself. Sungjin starts to get up to go over to him but stops. He looks over to Jae, who is only focused on Wonpil. Dowoon stands up and walks behind Wonpil, placing his hands under his arms and pulling him up. Wonpil stumbles to his feet as Dowoon leads him to the bed. He half lays down, grabbing his stomach, trying not to show his pain.

Dowoon pulls the covers over Wonpill and walks back to the others. Jae suggests moving to his room but Dowoon declines. He tells Sungjin and Jae it’s best to just go to bed. They agree and start to pack the food, taking it to their room. Jae sits on the bed as Sungjin puts the food in the mini fridge. He turns to see Jae changing his shirt, walking behind him and hugging his back. Jae turns, still in the hug, and stares into Sungjin’s eyes. He swallows hard as he wraps his arms around Sungjin. His head drops to Sungjin’s shoulder as he sighs.

“What are we doing?” Jae asks quietly.

“At this point, just trying to survive.” Sungjin replies, moving his hand up Jae’s back.

“No. I mean, what are you and I doing? What are we?”

“I don’t want to lose you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope we can still be _us_ but only if it’s what you want.”

“I still want you. I want every bit of you, Sungjin.”

Dowoon stares at Wonpil, who has fallen asleep in the fetal position. His leg shakes wildly as he holds a small bag of pills found in Young K’s bag. He looks over at the clock and sighs, standing up. His feet shuffle across the floor as he puts his coat and shoes on. The door slowly closes behind him so he doesn't wake Wonpil up. He walks down and out to the car and gets in, his body taking him to the hospital. A few minutes go by as he sits in the parking lot, wondering if he should go in. His mind goes wild, making him just decide to go up.

He quietly walks into Young K's room, keeping a close eye on Young K. His heart beats slowly as he walks to the side of the bed. Young K lays asleep, seemingly still in the same position as earlier that morning. Dowoon leans back in the chair, listening to the heart monitor beep loudly in his ear. His eyes get heavy after he places his coat over himself like a blanket. He quickly falls asleep without realizing it.

The next morning he is woken up after a nurse brings a new IV for Young K. Dowoon watches her closely then Young K for any reaction. The nurse goes to his other arm and begins to draw blood for testing. As the needle pierces Young K's skin, his arm twitches back. Dowoon snaps his head up and looks at Young K. His head goes back down as Young K remains motionless. As the nurse is leaving, she steps aside to let's Jae and Sungjin in the room.

“I figured you'd be here.” Jae says, walking over to Dowoon.

“I couldn't sleep without him.” Dowoon says, trying swallow his tears. “As soon as I saw him I felt more relaxed.”

“Is Wonpil really that bad of a roommate?” Sungjin tries to joke.

“With all the medication he's on, he's basically a rock, sleeping in my bed.”

Dowoon bites the inside of his cheek and takes Young K's hand. He leans his head down on the bed and sighs, begging for him to wake up. Jae and Sungjin leave to buy food from the cafeteria. Dowoon's heart jumps when he feels Young K's fingers twitch. He looks up slowly, expecting to be disappointed. Young K breathes heavily and begins to open his eyes. Dowoon jumps up and places his hand on Young K's cheek. He smiles when Young K looks up at him, trying not to cry.

“Dowoon, I-” Young K tries to speak but is interrupted.

“Don't. It's okay. I'm just glad you're alive.” Dowoon tries to make them both feel better.

“No. I promised I'd be better. I failed.”

“Sweetheart, you scared the absolute shit out of me but I'm just happy you're not dead.” Tears form in Dowoon’s eyes. “I really can't be without you.”

Young K feels a lump form in his throat, making him sigh heavily and frequently. He weakly pulls Dowoon in for a hug, careful not to pull at the IV.

“I wonder what's taking Jae and Sungjin so long?” Dowoon asks himself.

Jae stares blankly at the line of food in front of him. He feels his chest get tight but tries to ignore it. Sungjin doesn't notice him as he picks out various vegetables from the salad bar. He sees Jae, in the corner of his eye, grabbing for his chest. His heart stops when Jae stumbles forward into a display case. He rushes to him, pulling him close. Jae breathes hard and begins to panic. Sungjin tries to calm him down but fails, just holding him instead. He shoos away conceded hospital staff.

“Jae, honey, it's okay. You don't have to eat if you don't want to.” Sungjin reassures Jae, rubbing his arm.

Jae tries to speak in between breathes. “I need air. I can't look at this food.”

Sungjin picks Jae up slowly, leading him outside to a bench. He gets Jae to control his breathing and asks him what's wrong.

“Maybe I wasn't ready to leave the hospital.” Jae says, trying not to panic again.

“You were good yesterday. What happened to that?” Sungjin tries to understand.

“That's always how it is. One day you're eating and you think you're in recovery but then next day even looking at food makes you break down. It's an evil disorder.”

“How about when we get back home, we get you outpatient treatment?”

“I don't want that. I'm afraid of myself, Sungjin. I'm scared I'll hurt myself. I feel myself slipping more and more each day.” Jae buries his face in Sungjin’s chest.

Sungjin wraps his arm around Jae, trying to think of the right words to say. His stomach twists at the thought of Jae having to go back to the hospital. Jae tightly grabs Sungjin’s shirt as he shakes from crying. Sungjin pets his head, trying to calm him down again. He ends up making himself start to cry. Jae slowly brings his head up, ignoring its heaviness. He wipes the tears from his face and sniffles.

“I can't do this anymore.” Jae says softly.

“You're strong, baby. I believe in you.” Sungjin replies.

Dowoon walks down the stairs towards the cafeteria, visibly stressed. He is confused when the two aren't in there. His head moves to the window, where he sees them on a bench. Jae has his head on Sungjin's shoulder, while Sungjin wipes tears away. Dowoon slowly walks to the door, opening and leaning his head out. They turn to look at him and wave. He continues through the door, trying to smile.

“What’s wrong?” The two ask at the same time.

“This is becoming too much.” Dowoon says, trying to walk forward. “Maybe drugs aren’t so bad after all.”

Jae and Sungjin look at Dowoon, extremely confused. They jump up when Dowoon grabs his stomach and falls to his knees. They pick him up and bring him to the bench. His face goes pale and he begins to cry. Jae notices Dowoon holding a small empty baggie in his left hand. He looks up, disappointed.

“Dowoon, tell me you didn’t take something.” Jae demands just before Dowoon’s head slumps forward. 


	4. What Happens, Happpens?

“Shit.” Jae grabs Dowoon by the shoulders. “Hey, look at me!” 

Dowoon looks up, through his hair, at Jae. His breathing is extremely slow and he turns a pale blue color. Jae tells Sungjin to help him pick Dowoon up. 

“Take me back to Young K. He needs me there.” Dowoon slurs his words, attempting to pull himself away. 

“Nope, you’re going back to the hotel.” Jae grunts as they carry him to the car. “Jesus, those pills really fucked them up, huh?” He tries to say under his breath.

Sungjin loads Dowoon in the back seat before he goes to the driver's seat. He looks over as Jae climbs in the back, trying to put Dowoon’s seatbelt on. Dowoon pushes him off and unbuckles the seatbelt. Jae sighs and closes the door, getting in the passenger's seat. They go back to the hotel, trying to get Dowoon to talk to them the whole ride.  
The three open Dowoon’s hotel room. Wonpil sits up when he hears them struggling. He watches as they set Dowoon on Young K’s bed, taking his shoes off. Dowoon tries to push them away again but Jae grabs his hand. He stares as he lowers the hand slowly to Dowoon’s side. Wonpil stands up and walks to them, rubbing at his stomach. Dowoon falls backwards into the bed, making Jae and Sungjin pull back in frustration. He groans and falls asleep with his hands above his head. 

“Um?” Wonpil questions. 

“Don’t even ask.” Jae snaps at him. “If he wakes up, don’t let him near Brian’s things.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me? Did he take something?” 

Sungjin and Jae shrug, looking extremely annoyed. Wonpil shakes his head and goes back to his bed. He picks his medicine bottle up and opens it, counting the pills to make sure they're all there before taking one. Sungjin looks at Jae, then at Dowoon before sitting on the couch. Jae rolls his eyes and walks out, over to his room. For a few hours, Sungjin stays in Dowoon's room to keep an eye on him. He plays games in his phone, looking up every few minutes to check on both of the boys. Wonpil passes out after his medication kicks in. Sungjin lays on the couch, FaceTiming Jae. He says goodnight but doesn't hang up, falling asleep with the camera still on him.  
The next morning, Dowoon wakes up, sprawled across the bed. His vision is blurry and he feels sick to his stomach. When he stands up, he noticed Sungjin asleep on the couch. He walks to the bathroom and is concerned when he stumbles into the vanity. His hands shake as he tries not to get sick. He clutches his stomach, slowly sitting down on the floor. A wave of nausea flows through his body, making him bend over the toilet. As he gags loudly, there's a knock on the bathroom door. He weakly crawls to the door, opening it, and going back to the toilet. Sungjin walks in, leaning down to Dowoon and rubbing his back. 

“Do you want me to get you some water?” Sungjin asks, trying not to be awkward. 

“No, just take me to see Young K.” Dowoon slightly cries out. “Please.” 

Sungjin hesitates to say yes but eventually he does. They stop at Sungjin’s room so he can grab his things. Sungjin leans over Jae’s sleeping body and gives him a kiss. Jae opens his eyes slightly and smiles before turning over. He tells Sungjin to wake him up when he gets back and goes back to sleep. Sungjin and Dowoon leave for the hospital.  
As they walk into Young K's room, he's getting his blood drawn. He winces as the nurse grabs for another vial. Sungjin pulls Dowoon further into the room, making Young K's head pop up. Dowoon smiles and stumbles over to the chair, trying not to get sick again. Young K notices this and looks at him concerned. Sungjin crosses his arms and leans against the wall. The nurse thanks Young K and leaves after putting a bandaid on his arm. Young K stares at Dowoon, whose skin is extremely pale. He looks up to Sungjin, noticing how tired and annoyed he looks. 

“Is everything okay?” Young K asks the two of them. 

Sungjin thinks for a minute so he doesn't say something too harsh. “Dowoon decided to be as stupid as you.” Turning to Dowoon. “Go ahead and tell them why.”  
Young K looks extremely confused, trying to understand. He sees Dowoon lowers his head into his hands. “What did you do?”  
Dowoon can't speak so he shakes his head in frustration. Sungjin walks closer to them and sighs. “Whatever pills that were in your suitcase are gone now.”  
Young K feels his heart sink to his stomach as Dowoon begins to cry. He pulls his knees to his chest and sighs heavily. Goosebumps crawl up his body as he silently stares at Dowoon, trying not to tear up. Failing, he grabs for Dowoon’s arm and pulls him closer. Sungjin begins to walk out but Young K stops him. He walks back in and sits in the chair at the end of Young K’s bed.

“So explain to me, Dowoon. What in the world made you take those pills?” Young K asks, still holding on to his arm.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to feel what you feel.” Dowoon cries out. “I wanted to know what was so great about drugs that it made you push everyone away.” 

Young K stares, mouth open slightly. He looks over to Sungjin who is watching the two. “Dowoon, I never meant to push anyone away. I just wanted to be numb, to not think about the world around me for a while.” 

“And look where that landed you.” Sungjin says, crossing his legs. 

“I’m an idiot, okay? Learn from me, don’t follow my footsteps.” Young K let’s go of Dowoon. 

All Dowoon can do is nod, sniffling before wiping his tears away. Young K sighs and looks at the wall, trying not to get mad. He throws his hands up and yells out, almost pulling his IV out. Sungjin takes his phone out after he gets a text. He gets up and walks out quickly, leaving the two alone. Dowoon tries to find the right words but just stares instead. He goes to take Young K's hand but he pulls away. 

“I'm so stupid.” Young K whispers to himself. 

“How are you stupid?” Dowoon's voice cracks. “ I'm the one who fucked up.” 

“And you wouldn't have done that if I was strong enough.” 

Sungjin walks towards the parking lot, talking on the phone. Wonpil tiredly asks if he can pick him up something to eat. He agrees and gets in the car, hanging up and calling Jae. when Jae answers, he is groggy and whiny. Sungjin asks him if he wants food but he tells him no. He tells Sungjin to bring himself back instead. Sungjin agrees and hangs up as he gets in the car. 

Wonpil sits on the couch, watching TV and texting Sungjin. He holds his stomach and breathes hard through the pain. His arm stretches behind him as he grabs for a medicine bottle. He opens it and takes out a pill, popping it into his mouth before laying back down. About an hour later, Sungjin walks in, holding a bag of food. He sees Wonpil sleeping on the couch, assuming his medicine has just kicked in. Wonpil snores loudly and groans as Sungjin slowly starts to leave, placing the food on the table.  
Jae is woken up by the door shutting and feels something flop on the bed. He looks up to see Sungjin face down in the blankets. Sungjin sighs loudly, pulling himself up with his arms. 

“Rough morning?” Jae asks, trying not to sound too sarcastic. 

“Wanna become a duo instead?” Sungjin replies. 

“You don’t want that. We can’t abandon everyone.” 

“I’m tired of all this drama. You know how hard it was to just cover up your overdose? Now we have to do the same thing for Brian. Dowoon has lost it and I don’t even know if Wonpil will be okay.” 

“We will figure it out. They need us. We need them. Just stay strong.”

“Funny that you’re telling me to stay strong when I’m the most stable one here.”

Jae stands up and rolls his eyes as he walks out of the room. He goes over to to Wonpil’s room, surprised to see him lying on the floor beside the couch. Wonpil moans out and tries to crawl towards a chair. Jae runs to him, grabbing his arms and pulling him up. Wonpil breathes hard and falls into Jae’s chest, shaking violently.  
“I need my medicine” Wonpil mumbles out. 

Jae runs over to the nightstand beside the couch and grabs the bottle. He unscrews the cap and sees it’s empty. His eyebrow raises as he throws the bottle down, going back over to Wonpil. He picks him up and sets him on the couch. 

“Wonpil, there should have been at least 10 more pills in there. Why are they gone?” Jae gets annoyed. “Did you let Dowoon take them?” 

“No I-” Wonpil sighs. “I took the rest. It hurt so much. I need more. Please go to the pharmacy and get the refill.” 

“There is no refill, that's why you should have spaced it out properly!” 

Wonpil puts his face in his hands and starts to sob, trying not to get too upset. “Please find something. It hurts so much!” 

Jae stares at him for a few seconds before standing up straight. He sighs heavily and looks around the room. His eyes hover over Young K's suitcase but he shakes his head. “No, Wonpil. You did this to yourself. I'm not helping you.” 

He clenches his jaw as he sits down beside Wonpil. Wonpil hold his stomach as a wave of pain rolls over him, forcing him to double over. Jae sighs again and wraps his arm around him, pulling him closer. 

“How long ago did you take them?” Jae asks, biting his nail. 

“About 10 minutes ago.” Wonpil replies quietly. 

“So, they haven't kicked in yet. Great. It's not enough to take you to the hospital but you're probably not going to feel anything pretty damn soon.” 

“I already feel my arms getting heavy.” Wonpil sighs. “To be honest, I'm a little freaked out.” 

“As you should be. This might be the dumbest thing you've ever done.” 

Young K watches over Dowoon, who is curled in a ball in the chair. He looks up at the tv and turns it off. Dowoon opens his eyes and looks around, groaning and mumbling. His head is aching and his neck is stiff. Young K looks back to him and smiles. Dowoon puts his feet down and leans forward, taking Young K's hand. He tells him he is going to the cafeteria to eat and asks if he wants anything. Young K tells him no and he leaves, checking over his shoulder as he reaches the door. 

Dowoon grabs his head as it begins to throb. He walks to the elevator and pushes the button for the first floor. A nurse comes in behind him, greeting him, but he just waved awkwardly. He turns to her as the door opens and winces in pain. 

“Ma'am. Do you have pain medicine?” He manages to mumble out. 

He feels something drip from his nose as he stumbles back into the wall. The nurse runs over to him, grabbing his head before it hits the floor. She begins to call for something just as Dowoon blacks out. He wakes up as he is being wheeled into the a room. When a nurse walks around to his side, he loses consciousness again.  
Wonpil and Jae walk down the hall of the hospital, over to Young K's room. Jae has a hold of Wonpil's arm to keep him steady. Young K is sitting forward in the bed with his legs crossed. Jae asks him what's wrong and his head snaps to the side, jumping at the two. He apologizes and sighs. 

“Dowoon said he was going to get food but that was almost two hours ago. Can one of you go check to see if he's there? I'm worried.” Young K says, trying not to sound frantic.

Jae nods but Wonpil insists on going. “I'll look for him. I need to walk around a bit, anyway.” 

“Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself?” Jae asks, concerned that Wonpil is too doped up to stand on his own.

“Why wouldn't he be?” Young K asks but is ignored. 

Wonpil insists and lets Jae off his arm. He wobbles slightly but walks out without an issue. Young K questions again but Jae just brushes it off. Wonpil walks down the hall of the first floor, towards the cafeteria. He stops and stares at the ER, wondering if they will help him get a new prescription. His vision blurs as he shakes his head, walking away. He passes a room with a bunch of nurses and a doctor, unable to stop himself from looking in the cracked door. The doctor pulls away from the bed and Wonpil blinks hard, unsure if he is seeing things right. Dowoon gasps wildly, trying to catch his breath. He falls limp in the bed but his monitor is beeping slowly. Blood has dried around his nose and his skin is blue. Not thinking, Wonpil bursts in, making everyone jump and turn towards him. The doctor tries to push him out but he just yells at him, going over to the bed. His knees buckle slightly as he places his hand on Dowoon’s chest. He turns to the doctor, feeling his head get heavier. 

“What happened?” Wonpil asks as his eyes begin to get red. 

“We're still running tests. But his heart stopped and he had to resuscitate him. I assume you know him?” The doctor replies. 

“He's my friend.” Wonpil steps back and panics slightly. “He, uh, he- yesterday he took these pills and I don't know what they were. Do you think that's what happened?” 

“How many did he take? Did you see what they looked like?” 

“I really don't know. I was asleep when he took them. They were his boyfriend’s. I guess a small bags worth. I'll be back. I need to tell Brian I found him.” 

“Sir, we are transferring him into the ICU after the paperwork is completed. If he is not here, check 1A.” 

Wonpil nods and begins to run towards the elevator, forgetting about the pills kicking in. He pushes all the wrong buttons in his panicked state before finally pressing the right one. When the doors open, he flings himself out and over to the room. Jae and Young K look at him confused as he begins to hyperventilate. He stumbles into the bed, making Young K jump up. Jae grabs him and leads him to the chair. Wonpil calms himself enough to talk. 

“He- uh. I don't know.” Wonpil cuts himself off. 

“He what? What's wrong?” Young K leans forward, almost falling off the bed. 

“They said his heart stopped. I forced myself in the room. He had blood around his face and he was so pale.” 

Young K chokes and begins to get sick, feeling his face numb. “Oh god no. Please don't.” 

“He’s in the ICU. They don't know what happened.” 

Young K breaks down and begins to cry. He stands up and rushes the the bathroom, falling over the toilet. As he throws up, Jae stands in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Young K starts to scream, causing a nurse to rush in after him. He curls in a ball, pulling himself into her chest, unable to stop crying. Jae shakes as he tries to text Sungjin. He sends the messy text to him and waits for a reply. Wonpil shakes his leg violently as he feels his medication begin to set in. Sungjin replies to Jae, saying he's on his way. 

Sungjin rushes to the car and starts it, driving away without putting the seatbelt on. He focuses on his breathing, so as to not get in an accident. As he pulls into the hospital, practically flying into a parking space, he runs up the stairs to the building. Unsure where to go, he calls Jae. 

“Where are you, right now?” Sungjin asks, reading the signs for the different floors. 

“First floor. 1A, still at the front desk.” Jae responds before hanging up. 

Sungjin rushes over to that wing and sees the boys at the desk. Young K sits in a wheelchair, still crying hard. Wonpil is on the floor, leaning his back against the desk. Jae looks over to Sungjin as he walks up to him. They hug and Sungjin asks to explain everything that is happening. Everyone shrugs as they aren't fully sure what is going on. Young K grabs Sungjin’s wrist and pulls him close. He leans down as Young K wraps his arms around his chest. Sungjin tries to calm him down but fails, letting him pull away on his own. He apologizes and catches his breath. 

A nurse at the front desk assures them it will just be a few more minutes. They go over the small waiting area and sit. Wonpil sits beside Sungjin and rests his head on his shoulder. Jae glares at him but stops, knowing he probably isn't aware of his actions. And if he is, he is too tired to care. 

Young K is able to calm himself down, wiping his tears away. His face is red and swollen but he doesn't care. After a few more minutes of waiting, the nurse from the front desks comes around the corner. She tells them they can see him but only one at a time and for a short amount of time. 

Everyone agrees to let Young K go first. The nurse nods and pushes him down the hall to the room. He thanks her as they reach the door and she walks back the desk. His heart speeds up as he slowly goes into the room. Dowoon lays motionless with an oxygen mask over his face. His heart monitor beeps slowly and his skin is an unnatural color. Young K stands up and walks to the side of the bed. He notices spots of blood crusted around Dowoon’s nose and feels himself start to cry again. His hand shakes as he places it onto Dowoon's and leans down to him. 

“Hey, good news.” Young K forces a smile as he speaks. “I'm getting discharged tomorrow. I know it took a long time but I guess they don't discharge on the weekends here. You and I can go out to dinner or something. Maybe go to the playground again?” He pauses to look at Dowoon. “How's that sound, honey?” 

He puts his head down on the bed and sighs, squeezing Dowoon’s hand. His head begins to ache as he forgets to breathe. He weakly stands up and places his hand on Dowoon’s cheek. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” He says, almost reassuring himself instead. “I love you.” 

Everyone looks up as Young K walks up, pulling the empty wheelchair behind him. His eyes are swollen and his cheeks are red. Wonpil stands up and stares, giving him a sloppy hug. Young K snaps slightly, demanding to know why Wonpil has been acting so strange. Wonpil looks down at the ground and lets out a frustrated sigh.  
“I’m out of pain meds.” Wonpil tells him. 

“That was fast.” Young K replies, looking to Jae after he clears his throat.

“Did you know that Tramadol abuse makes you hallucinate and oh your throat might swell up too.” Jae says, crossing his arms. “Oh and if you’re wondering if the hallucinations have started, yet. Yes they have.” 

Wonpil shoots Jae a dirty looks, trying not to think about what he said. Young K shakes his head and pushes past him, back to his room. Wonpil rolls his eyes at Jae and walks down to Dowoon’s room. Sungjin’s mouth hangs open slightly as he tries to wrap his head around everything. He decides to just say nothing about it and pretends he didn’t hear anything. His eyes rolls over to Jae, who is slouched down in his chair, cleaning his nails. Jae is lost in thought about Wonpil. 

“Sungjin. Can I ask a very odd question?” Jae asks, not looking over at him. 

“Uh. Sure, I guess.” Sungjin replies, shrugging his shoulders. 

“What did you think about while you were having sex with Wonpil?” 

Sungjin sits forward and gives Jae a confused look. “I’m sorry. What?”

“Tell me. What were you thinking about?” Jae looks over to him. “I really want to know.” 

“I-I thought about us. I thought about how how you and I were never going to be the same again. But I have to be honest, I also enjoyed myself. I let go of all my problems and it felt amazing.” Sungjin pauses. “But that was just the first time.” 

“The first time?” 

“Well, only one night but multiple times. Why are you suddenly asking about this?”

“I have to be honest. I’m no longer upset that you slept with him.”

Sungjin raises an eyebrow and becomes even more confused. Before he can respond Jae stands up and starts to walks away. He quickly gets up and goes after him. Jae stops when he rounds a corner, grabbing Sungjin’s arm as he comes around. He pulls Jae as he is pushed into the wall. Jae stares, making Sungjin get mildly nervous. 

“I’m sorry, Sungjin.” Jae says. “Wonpil is a demon.”

“Wait. What?” Sungjin blinks.

“He’s dangerous. I’m not mad at you because I-” 

“Did you sleep with Wonpil?” 

Jae swallows hard and looks to the side, unable to reply. Sungjin lets out a forced laugh, almost not believing this. 

“Oh my, ever-loving fuck.” Sungjin yells, yet in a whisper. 

Sungjin grabs Jae by the back of the head and pulls him close to his face. Jae shakes and tries to break free. He begs to be let go but Sungjin just gets angrier. Without thinking, Sungjin slaps Jae hard across the face. He lets go and Jae takes a step back, holding his face. His head lowers and he tries to apologize. Sungjin pulls back and throws a punch, hitting Jae in the chest. He hunches over and and coughs from the force, beginning to cry. His eyes close before Sungjin pushes him hard against the wall, slapping him in the face again. Jae falls to the ground crying and apologizing over and over. 

“Please, Sungjin. I’m sorry.” Jae says between tears. 

“I’m tired of doing this, Jae. You don’t listen. It’s getting worse.” Sungjin leans down and holds Jae. “I don’t like hurting you. I need help.” 

“We’re in public. What if the cameras saw?” Jae coughs. “I don’t know how much more of you I can take.” 

Sungjin doesn’t know how to respond, getting frustrated with himself. He balls his fist and slams in down into his thigh. Jae grabs his hand and pulls it into his chest. Sungjin becomes hysterical, unsure if this is real life. He stares at the wall across from the hall and smiles at nothing. 

“Maybe this is just a horrible nightmare.” Sungjin hopes, knowing the truth. 

“I don’t fully understand what I just witnessed. But if I ever see it again I will end your life, Sungjin.” Wonpil says, standing at the end of the wall.


	5. Please Stay With Me

Young K hovers over Dowoon, who lies peacefully in his hospital bed. He stares as the oxygen mask fogs up every time Dowoon breathes. A doctor comes in and greets himself. He gestures for Young K to sit down as he sits at the end of Dowoon’s bed.

“Are you the boyfriend?” The doctor asks.

Young K nods. “Yes, sir.”

“Are you aware that we found a very large amount of Olanzapine in Mr. Yoon’s system?”

“I wasn’t aware of what it was. But I knew he took something.”

“Do you know where he found these pills?”

“He- he got them from me. Well more like he took them from me. I never saw what was missing because I’ve been admitted upstairs this whole time. Will he get in trouble for this?”

“No. No one will get in trouble for this. Your friend said he took a small bag full. Do you know how many were in this bag or the milligram?”

“A full month, so 30. Um, 20mg.” Young K gets upset, feeling himself choke up. “Oh god, we have to go back to Korea soon. We can’t leave him.”

“Sadly, he is in an overdose induced coma. There is no saying when he will come out of it. But his stats seem to be leveling, slowly but surely.” The doctor stands up. “Since his seizure, yesterday, we will need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t have another one.”

Wonpil walks down the hall of the hotel. He stops at Jae and Sungjin’s room, pulling out the room key that he took from Jae. Sighing, he opens the door. Jae pulls off of Sungjin’s crotch and looks up, confused. Wonpil walks in and throws the card on the table before walking out. He opens the door to Dowoon’s room and jumps when he sees Young K.

Young K looks up from his phone and forces a smile. Wonpil takes his shoes off and walks to the bed.

“I forgot you were here.” Wonpil says, sitting down.

“I have to admit, when the door opened, my heart skipped a beat because I thought you were going to be Dowoon.” Young K replies, quietly.

“Do you want me to sleep in the other room instead?”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t think I should be alone.”

Wonpil nods and stretches, taking his jacket off. He stands up, pulling his shirt over his head. Young K looks up at him and down to the gauze over his stomach. Wonpil turns around and catches him staring, holding the shirt over it. Young K apologizes and walks to the bathroom. He turns the shower on and sits on the vanity until the water heats up. It only takes a minute for it to heat up. He strips and gets in, jumping back at the water being way too hot.

A few minutes into his shower, he hears the door open. He turns to see Wonpil leaning against the vanity, staring at himself in the mirror.

“Is everything okay?” Young K asks, awkwardly.

“How come I’m not allowed to be in love?” Wonpil replies, turning around. “Why can’t I feel happy? When will someone give me a fucking chance?”

“You’ll find someone, don’t worry.” Young K turns the water off, grabbing his towel from the floor.

“The one person I fell in love with has been in a relationship for almost 3 years and today I just fucking found out that he hits his boyfriend.”

“Wait. Are you talking about Sungjin?” He stares at Wonpil, who nods. “How do you know?”

Wonpil pulls his phone out and shows Young K a video he took of Jae and Sungjin at the hospital. Young K covers his mouth and steps back in disbelief. He walks out to the room in anger, trying to find his pajamas. Wonpil comes over to Young K and waits for him to calm down. He steps in front of Young K, who stops in his tracks. Wonpil places a hand on his chest and pushes him backwards on the bed. He crawls on top of him and kisses him hard. Young K pushes him up.

“Wait. I can’t do this. This is wrong.” Young K says, voice shaking.

“Then why can I feel your boner?” Wonpil replies, going in for a harder kiss.

Young K doesn’t back off but doesn’t push into it either. He lets Wonpil take control of him, throwing his head back when he bites his neck. Wonpil takes the towel off him and places his hand on his hip bone. Young K grabs his hand and places it closer to his dick. He smirks against Wonpil’s mouth as he pulls at his jeans. Wonpil stands up and quickly strips to nothing. Young K scoots back on the bed as Wonpil crawls back on top of him. He moans out as Wonpil slowly begins to jack him off. His touch is light, making Young K go crazy. Wonpil feels Young K’s hips push forward as he slowly picks up the pace.

“You like that? Do you want me to keep going?” Wonpil smirks.

Young K nods, groaning into his hands. Wonpil’s hand travels up to Young K’s mouth, covering it slightly. He tells Young K to bite it when he’s ready for more. Wonpil continues the handjob, making Young K squirm and buck slightly. After about a minute, Young K bites down on the side of Wonpil’s palm. Wonpil sits up slightly, holding himself with one arm while he lifts one of Young K’s legs around his body. Young K prepares himself for Wonpil to make his next move.

“Please.” Young K begs out. “Go slow. I’m not used to you anymore.”

Wonpil nods and positions himself against Young K. Young K throws his head back pulling a pillow over his face as Wonpil slowly pushes into him. His breathing slowly becomes heavier as Wonpil continues. He yells out a moan as Wonpil quickly thrusts forward. Wonpil sits there, anticipating Young K to yell at him. Instead, he feels him relax and begin to push into him more. The two begin to pant as Wonpil continues. He places his hand gently over Young K’s throat. Young K grabs his wrist and pushes his hand harder against his throat, making both of them moan out. Wonpil squeezes Young K’s thigh as he speeds up. He yells out as he releases himself into Young K, doubling over into his stomach. The two lay there for a minute before Wonpil takes himself out of Young K. He falls to the side of him, wrapping his arm around his waist.

“Thank you.” Wonpil pants. “So much.”

Jae sits at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. The room is lit by a small lamp on the counter. Sungjin is fast asleep in the bed. Jae stares over at his sleeping body, noticing how peaceful he is.

“What a beautiful nightmare.” He whispers to himself, looking down at his cup and laughing. “I want to pour this coffee on your face.”

He stands up and quietly sneaks out to the hallway. His eyes adjust to the bright lights. He jumps when he looks over and sees Young K sitting against the wall, wearing a jacket. Young K looks up and gives a fake smile.

“Wanna die, too?” Young K asks, gesturing for Jae to sit down beside him.

“I just had my first murderous thought.” Jae replies as he slides down the wall.

“I fucked Wonpil.”

“Oh, you too?” Jae fake laughs. “That makes at least three of us.”

Young K slowly looks over to Jae. “At least he and I used to hook up a lot but-“ he pauses. “That was before Dowoon. I fucked my friend while my fucking boyfriend is in a coma!”

Jae jumps back as Young K punches himself in the leg. He stares as Young K’s leg begins to shake. His breathing speeds up and he begins to cry. Jae is surprised when Young K falls into his chest and hyperventilates, keeping his hands over his face. He feels something weird on his shirt, pulling Young K off of him. His heart stops when he sees blood on his shirt as well as both of Young K’s hands.

“No, Brian, what did you do?” Jae shakes, unsure of what to do.

He pulls Young K’s sleeves up slightly, revealing two gashes, one on each wrist. Young K begins to cry even harder. Jae picks him up and and beats on his door. Young K pleads for him to just leave him to die. Wonpil opens the door and Jae pushes him and Young K in. Jae rushes them to the bathroom, where he grabs two hand towels from the rack. Wonpil watches as blood begins to stain the white towels. Young K’s face begins to lose color as he tries to push Jae off.

“Get Sungjin and call 911!” Jae yells at Wonpil.

Wonpil immediately runs out and over to Sungjin’s room. He pounds on the door until he hears Sungjin yell out. Sungjin opens the door to Wonpil shaking and about to cry. He is unable to speak so he just grabs Sungjin and runs back to his room. They watch as Jae ties the towels to Young K’s wrist. Sungjin calls 911 while Wonpil paces in the main room. Young K shakes, weakly grabbing Jae’s arm. Jae cries as he pulls him closer into his lap. He rocks him from side to side, trying to calm both Young K and himself down.

“Please. Just let me go.” Young K begs. “It’s not worth it.”

“You’re strong. I believe in you. Please. The ambulance is on its way.” Jae replies back quietly.

Sungjin walks in and leans down to the two. Young K looks up to him, eyes half open.

“Don’t hurt him, Sungjin. He loves you.” Young K tells him before he loses consciousness.

Jae feels himself begin to get sick. His body turns cold as he pushes Young K harder into his chest. He hears sirens and tells Sungjin to go out and meet the EMT’s. Sungjin leaves and Wonpil slowly creeps around the corner. He panics when he sees Young K completely unconscious and his lips turning blue. The EMT’s rush in and Wonpil jumps away from the door. Jae refuses to let Young K go, having to have an EMT and Sungjin pry him off. His head spins as he watches them insert a needle in his arm, connecting it to a blood bag. One places a blanket over Young K to attempt to warm him up. Sungjin wraps his arm around Jae, who falls into his chest. He pulls away, apologizing when he stains Sungjin’s shirt with blood. His head gets heavy and his knees give out, causing him to fall. Sungjin catches him before he hits the floor, walking him out to the couch.

Sungjin walks to the fridge and pulls out a juice, opening it and telling Jae to sip. Jae’s hands shake too much to hold the bottle so Sungjin holds it to his mouth, tilting it just enough to get a drink. He places the bottle on the side table and pulls Jae closer. His body shakes but he tries not to make it obvious. Jae reaches up and holds Sungjin’s hand. Wonpil stares at the blood on the bathroom floor, unable to move.

“This is all my fault.” Wonpil says to himself, swallowing hard.

The three eventually get the strength to leave for the hospital. Wonpil drives as he is shaking the least. When they get out to the hospital parking lot, Jae freezes.

“I can’t do this. What if he-“ He sighs.

“You can’t think like that. He’ll be okay.” Sungjin assures himself and Jae.

Jae finally starts moving again, feeling his body numb the closer he gets to the doors. They don’t bother going to the check in desk, walking straight to the rooms. A nurse and a security guard stop them outside Young K’s room. The guard tells them to go to the waiting room. As they walk out, they hear a doctor call for another bag of blood matching Young K’s type. Jae snaps his head back and tries to walk back to the room. Sungjin grabs his wrist and yanks him over. He sees Jae wince in pain and apologizes when Wonpil glares at him.

They sit anxiously, waiting for any updates. Jae watches the second hand on the clock. Sungjin and Wonpil stare at the wall across from them. Everyone looks up when the intercom comes on.

_**Code Blue ICU 825!** _

The two look at Jae as he suddenly throws himself out of his seat, running down the hall. They share confused glances before finally realizing what room it is. When they reach the ICU, they hear Jae yelling down the hall.

“Fuck!” Jae screams as he trips over a nurse. “Dowoon!”

The nurse helps him up as he apologizes. The two run up to him and ask if he’s okay. He begins to hyperventilate as the crash team piles into Dowoon’s room with a crash cart.

“This can't be fucking happening!” Jae screams, punching the wall.

“We can’t do anything about this, right now. Come on, you need to come sit back down.” Sungjin tells him, trying to pull him back down the hall.

Jae is reluctant but still moves his feet. Sungjin holds onto Jae’s hand as it begins to swell. They all slowly walk back to the waiting room, still hearing nurses yelling from Dowoon’s room.

After about two hours of sitting, they still have no news. A nurse walks down the hall and leans against the front desk.

“Did you see the code?” The front desk nurse asks.

“Oh yeah, I was the first responder. Pt was blue and his blood pressure was nonexistent. Then his pulse went too. Called the code. Took us an hour of straight compressions and intubation but he made it somehow.” The nurse says. “That boy is a fighter. Poor thing kept yelling for someone named Brian when he was awake but no one on his contact list had that name. What’s even scarier is that he completely went back into his coma afterwards.”

“That’s crazy.” The desk nurse lowers her voice. “Those boys over there know him. They have another friend that was just taken to the OR after a suicide attempt. It’s a shame.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that kid. I think Dr. Naver said the two are a couple.”

“What a shame. I hope they both recover well.”

“My Pt is stable but I haven’t seen the OR at all today. But Dr. Casper isn’t here so they are making do with what they have.”

Jae shakes his leg violently as he eavesdrops in on the conversation. The nurse walks behind them and smiles, pretending like that conversation never happened. She goes over to the lab and hands them a folder through the window. Jae stands up and goes over to her.

“I’m sorry you said you were in the room with Dowoon?” He asks, both politely and annoyed.

“Yes, I was the one who called the code.” She replies, nervously.

“And he is alive?”

“Correct. I was able to bring back his stats and he is stable.”

“Thank you for saving him. He is my best friend.”

“It’s no problem, honey.”

“Is there any possible way you could go check on Brian?” Jae stops. “I’m sorry, his name is Younghyun.”

“I’m sorry, I really wish I could but I can’t interfere with that area unless there’s an emergency. But I can call down and ask for an update for you.”

Jae nods and walks back to his seat. Sungjin sighs and sits forward, putting his head in his hand. Wonpil stands up and paces around the chairs until he gets lightheaded. Sungjin looks down at Jae’s hand to see the swelling worsen and it starting to turn purple. He looks around and eventually asks the front desk nurse if he could get an ice pack. The woman calls down to the ER and they bring one up. He thanks them and hands it to Jae.

After another hour of waiting, a nurse walks out from the ER and over to them. They all stand up quickly, almost running her over.

“Are you all here for Kang Younghyun?” She asks sweetly. They all nod. “Right this way.”

They all stampede into the room. Jae pushes Sungjin to the side and goes to the bed. Young K stares at him, still shaking. His eyes are half open and he breathes slowly. He closes his eyes and pulls his head away from Jae. Jae looks down at Young K’s heavily bandaged wrists. He looks up at the IV and blood bag hanging on the stand.

Wonpil leans into Sungjin’s ear. “Do we tell him about Dowoon?”

“What happened to Dowoon?” Young K weakly asks. “You’re bad at whispering.”

Everyone stares at Wonpil, Jae and Sungjin slightly annoyed. “Nothing. He’s okay.”

Young K wants to demand Wonpil tell him the truth but he doesn’t have the energy. He lets out a long breath and coughs. Sungjin walks behind Jae and places his hand on his shoulder. Young K looks down at his hand, then back up to his face. His finger twitches as he closes his eyes again. Everyone sits there in silence as he slowly opens them back up.

“I want to be alone.” Young K says, trying to clear his throat.

Though reluctant, everyone begins to walk out. Jae stops at the doorway and stares at Young K, having flashbacks of the incident. His eyes begin to redden as he bites the inside of his mouth to keep from crying. The three quietly drive back to the hotel.

Wonpil walks in and stops at the bathroom doorway. He looks down at the blood on the floor and feels himself get sick. His heart races as he walks in, grabbing a towel from the rack. Slowly, he gets on his knees and begins to wipe at the blood. He gets mildly hysteric when the blood smears in some places and has completely dried in others. Getting up, he turns the faucet on, grabbing a cup from the counter and pouring water onto the floor. The floor is soaked as he leans back down and tries again. The blood comes up easier but the towel is completely stained red. Not knowing where to put it, he throws it under the vanity behind the trash can. He stands and washes the blood from his hands and quickly strips his clothes off. His head aches as he begins to rummage through Young K’s suitcase. He pulls everything out one by one, unsure of what he’s looking for. Once he reaches the bottom, he sees a small bag with three box cutter blades, two of them beginning to rust. He sees a prescription bottle and grabs for it. The label has a name he’s never seen before. He keeps reading and sees it’s almost a full bottle of Oxy. His finger twitches against the lid as he slowly twists it off. He reaches in and takes a pill out, holding it in his palm before placing the bottle back down. Groaning, he sits in the couch and grabs the juice that Jae left. He places the pill in his mouth and takes a drink of juice, swallowing hard.

Jae stands in front of his suitcase, grabbing for a random outfit. He strips off his bloody clothes and quickly changes into fresh ones. Sungjin tells him to lay down but he just stares at the wall.

“I’m being selfish in my own mind.” Jae turns to Sungjin. “I was about to run off and and throw myself into traffic. But I looked over and saw Brian.”

“Why would you want to do that, Jae?” Sungjin asks, sitting in the edge of the bed.

“Hey, when I starve to death, will you be at my funeral?”

“Jae, stop it.”

“I need to-uh-“

“Sleep. You need to sleep. Get in bed.” Sungjin gets up and brings Jae to the bed.

Young K wakes up and weakly looks around. He sees the blood bag dripping down through his arm. His eyes blur as he reach for it, pulling it down and disconnecting the tube. The bag rips and blood pours from it onto the floor. He yanks his IV out of his arm and he loses consciousness for a minute from the pain. His heart beats erratically as he tries to stand up. He feels the blood on his feet but ignores it. A doctor walks past the door, stopping and rushing over to him. She stares in shock at the scene in front of her. Young K simply smiles at her and asks for some water.

She turns and yells out for help as she throws her things to the side. Three nurses and a security guard rush in. One nurse and the guard grab him and force him back in the bed. The doctor places a gauze over his arm where the IV was ripped out. She looks at the blood bag and curses to herself.

“What the fuck did this kid do?” She asks herself, in awe.

Young K yells out and tries to push everyone off, failing as the guard grabs his arms.

The doctor tries to turn to the table beside her but slips in the blood. She catches herself on a chair and a nurse helps her up.

“Please. Let me go! Why won’t anyone let me fucking die?” Young K screams. “If you won’t then let me see Dowoon!”

“Call Highland. He needs transferred.” The doctor tells a nurse.

The nurse runs out and Young K begins to kick at a nurse who grabs for his legs.

“No, please don’t take me away from him! Please!” Young K begins to cry.

The doctor injects him with something to calm him down. He violently throws his body around, trying to break free. A few moments later, his breathing begins to slow and his head gets heavy. His body starts to relax as he loses the ability to move. The nurses and the guard slowly let go of him, watching just in case he acts up again.

The nurse comes back in holding a transfer sheet. “They have an opening in the adult wing and are waiting for the transfer paperwork.”

The doctor takes the clipboard and thanks the nurse. “Get an ambulance ready for transfer.”

Young K looks around confused as EMT’s surround him. They walk him over to the ambulance bay, keeping a tight grips on his arms. Once in the ambulance, they strap his arms and legs down so he is unable to move. He begins to panic as they start to drive off.

“Wait you can’t make me go. Will you at least tell everyone? I don’t live here. I’m not even from this country. Can you just do this?”

The EMT’s ignore him, making him agitated. He throws his body to the side, violently.

“Will you fucking talk to me?”

The next morning Jae and Sungjin are woken by their manager knocking on the door. Sungjin gets up and let’s him in. They get concerned as he doesn’t immediately say anything to them. Jae tiredly sits up from the bed.

“Younghyun as transferred last night.” The manager informs them.

“Transferred where?” Sungjin asks.

“A psychiatric facility about an hour away.”

“Can they just do that? Why?”

“Apparently, last night he made a scene in the ER and was forced to transfer. I’m just here to ask you if you want to extend your stay or go back to Korea.” He pauses. “It’s up to you guy. You have until tomorrow morning to decide.”

He walks out and Sungjin looks over to Jae.

“No we are not going back.” Jae points at Sungjin. “No way in hell I’m getting on a plane without Young K and Dowoon.”

“Like he said, we have until tomorrow to decide.” Sungjin shrugs, sitting in the couch.


	6. Broken and Bruised

Wonpil stares at the ceiling, his body numb and heavy. He closes his eyes and sighs, resting his hand on his pants. Sliding the hand down his waistband, he bites his lower lip. He softly moans as he brushes over his underwear. There is a knock on the door, making him jump and pull back. Wonpil slowly stands up, wobbling to the door, resting his arm on the wall. Sungjin and Jae walk in, looking stressed. They sit at the table and Jae sets his head down. Wonpil sits across from them.

“They won’t let us visit Brian.” Jae says into his arms.

“Why not?” Wonpil questions.

“We aren’t immediate family. It’s bullshit.” Sungjin replies, crossing his arms.

“They are allowing calls, though. That’s why we came in here, he’s supposed to be calling soon.”

Jae sets his phone on the table and they wait. Sungjin almost jumps out of his seat when the phone starts to ring.

“Why they fuck is “Slut Like You’ your ringtone?” Sungjin asks, being cut off by Jae answering.

Young K clears his throat. “Hey.”

“Hey, Brian. Everyone's here.” Jae says, putting the phone on speakerphone and setting it on the table.

“Yeah. Everyone.” He sighs. “It’s really cold here and the doctor is refusing me methadone. It hurts so much.”

“Just hang in there, we’ll be able to visit soon.”

“This place is awful. At least I don’t have a roommate and I’m getting my Prozac.”

“The one pill you actually have a prescription for.” Sungjin whispers under his breath.

“Anyway.” Jae kicks Sungjin. “Is anything helping so far? Like therapy or whatever they do there?”

“The therapist isn’t much help. We have to have group therapy and she treats us all like kids. The nurses are really nice though. But I don’t know how long I can stay here without going crazy.”

A woman walks up to Young K and lightly taps him on the shoulder. He apologizes and says goodbye to the boys. His head hangs low as he slowly walks back to the common area. He sits down across from a nurse, who sits with her back to the camera so she can be on her phone. She looks up and smiles. Young K scoots to the chair closer to her. They hunch over and she slides her phone towards him.

**Have you visited Dowoon, today?**

**Wonpil was about to go.**

**Tell him to text if he’s awake..**

**No problem.**

**Thx.**

Jae slides his phone in his back pocket as he walks down to the lobby. He walks into the concession area and stares at the snacks. A woman walks in and grabs a can of coke and charges it to her room. He turns to the freezer and sighs as he slides the door open, grabbing a pint of vanilla ice cream. His hands shake as he grabs a small bag of cookies and a snack cake. The person behind the counter charges it to his room and places everything in a bag. Before they finish, Jae grabs a bottle of water. He sighs and walks to the room. Sungjin sits on the bed and doesn’t notice Jae placing the bag in the bathroom, under the counter. Jae tells Sungjin to go to sleep without him and walks into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He takes the bag and sits it on the counter, taking the items out one by one. His stomach growls as he starts to unwrap a snack cake. He slowly brings it to his lips, looking up at his reflection. It crumbles on the counter as he stuffs it into his mouth. He quickly unwraps and begins to eat everything, scooping the ice cream out with a cookie. His stomach begins to cramp but he ignores it, continuing his binge. Half way through the pint, he drops it on the ground and stares at himself in the mirror. He holds back tears as he holds onto the counter. A wave of nausea forces him to gag loudly. He falls to the toilet, sticking two fingers down his throat. His eyes water as he throws most of the food up. He lets out a few curses before going in for a second time.

Sungjin sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall and listening to Jae. His heart beats quickly as he starts to cry. He hears Jae cough before turning the faucet on. Sungjin stands up and goes to the bathroom door.

“Jae, please let me in. I can’t stand hearing you like this.” Sungjin begs though the wood.

He steps back as he hears the lock unlatch. Jae is shaking and crying when Sungjin walks in. They stare at each other for a second before Sungjin wraps his arms around Jae. Jae breaks down and drops to his knees. Sungjin holds him, trying to stop his shaking. He looks around at the empty snack wrappers and the ice cream that dripped on Jae’s thigh.

Young K walks into his room but doesn’t lay down for bed. A nurse comes in and asks if he’s okay. He smiles and tells her he’s fine, sitting at his desk. His fingers trace over the shapes on the wood. He looks over at the open door and watches the nurse walk down the wall. His eye twitches as he feels his arm itch. He scratches it, looking down at the blood where scabs used to be. His eyes get heavy so he goes to the bed. Before he falls asleep, he feels something grabs his arm. He jumps up, gasping, looking around but seeing nothing. The nurse from before peaks her head in and he stares at her, wide eyed. He gets up and runs out, down to the bathroom.

The floor is cold on his feet and the light is too bright. He runs to the sink and runs the cold water, splashing it on his face. His arm smacks against the paper towel dispenser.

“Fuck. Fuck.” He whispers as his head spins.

Pain shoots through his arm and he drops down. As his head hits the floor, he lets out a deafening scream. A nurse unlocks the door and throws it open. She grabs Young K by the arms and tries to pull him up.

“It hurts! It fucking hurts! “ Young K yells making her set him back down. “Please, give me something. I can’t stand it. I’m going insane.”

The blood has dried on his arm and his veins are dark. He pulls his sleeve up to see a large bruise forming from where he hit it. The nurse takes a step back as he calms himself. He apologizes to her and tries to stand up. His eyes redden as he falls back down, pulling his knees to his chest. The nurse helps him up and they slowly walk back to his room. He lays down and she leans above him, pulling her phone out.

“Your friend wanted to let you know Dowoon is doing well.” She whispers in his ear.

He takes the phone and slides it under his pillow. She walks out and goes back to the front desk. Young K slowly takes the phone out and holds it under the covers.

**Wonpil r u still with Dowoon?**

**Yeah.**

**How is he?**

**A lot better, he hasn’t has a seizure in two days.**

**Oh good.**

**You should try to get some sleep tonight.**

**I guess. I’m just in so much pain**

**I know, but you need to sleep.**

**Goodnight**

**Sleep well**

Young K sits up and looks out the door. The nurse brings her head up from her work and smiles. She sees him hold up the phone so she runs in to grab it. Young K thanks her as she slides the phone in her pocket. He lays back down and closes his eyes, trying to go to sleep.

Wonpil sets his phone in the front pocket of his jacket. He leans back in his chair and looks around the room. Dowoon’s eyes are half open and staring across the room at the whiteboard. He weakly looks to Wonpil, who hasn’t noticed him. His finger twitches and he lets out a weak groan, making Wonpil jump forward. He sets his hand over Dowoon’s and stares.

“Oh my god, you’re awake.” Wonpil says with tears in his eyes.

“Young K.” Dowoon weakly lets out. It’s muffled by the oxygen mask.

“He-“ Wonpil sighs. “You missed a lot.” He crosses his leg and scoots closer to Dowoon. “He tried to kill himself.”

Dowoon feels his heart sink as his eyes water. “Why? Oh god.”

“I'm not completely sure, but he had a breakdown so they sent him to some institution. We aren’t allowed to visit but he can call and sometimes a nurse lets him use her phone to text.”

“What did he do? How did he-“

“Do you really want to know?” Dowoon nods. “Okay. He slit his wrists. Jae found him though.” Wonpil smiles. “Oh he told me to tell him when you woke up.”

He begins to take his phone out but Dowoon stops him. “Wait, you said you weren’t completely sure. What are you sure about?”

“Dowoon, I-don’t know what to tell you. He and I talked for a few hours then I went to bed and he went outside.”

Dowoon nods lightly and let’s Wonpil text Young K. He closes his eyes and falls asleep, leaving the room quiet again. Wonpil waits for a response but eventually falls asleep in his chair. When he wakes up he slightly panics, not sure where he is. His eyes focus and he calms down, looking over to Dowoon. He gets his phone out but there isn’t a single text from Young K or the nurse. There is, however, 3 missed texts from Jae.

**Wonpil…**   
**I need help.**   
**I’m so scared.**

His stomach twists as he throws his body off the chair. He groans and grabs at his wound as he rushes out of the hospital. When he reaches the hotel lobby, he stops to catch his breath. The front desk manager looks up to him and offers a water. He thanks her but declines, sitting on the arm of a chair. His stomach burns and he lifts up his shirt up to check the gauze. There is a small spot of blood but he ignores it, having it bleed like that every once and awhile, anyway.

He finally gets up and goes over to his room, texting Jae. After a few minutes, Jae doesn’t answer, making Wonpil anxious. He checks the time and assumes he isn’t awake yet. His stomach muscles twitch, forcing him to crawl into bed and fall asleep.

Sungjin pours coffee into a travel mug and sets it on the counter. He opens five packets of sugar and pours them all in at the same time. The coffee turns a light color as he pours in a cup of creamer into it. He rubs his eyes as he sits down on the couch, looking across the room to the bed. Jae lays across the bed, what he sees as peacefully sleeping. His chest rises and falls, slowly. Sungjin looks at Jae’s hand, the swelling has gone down and the bruise is getting lighter. He takes a sip of his sugar with coffee in it and takes his phone out.

Dowoon opens his eyes and looks around. His body feels completely numb and he finds it hard to breathe. He looks at the wires and tubes connected to him. A nurse comes in and greets him, pulling a chair up to the bed.

“Hey, nice to finally see you awake.” The nurse smiles. “How are you feeling? Any pain or discomfort? Dizziness or nausea?”

“I don’t feel anything. Do you think I will be able to go soon?” Dowoon replies after taking a few long seconds to figure out what she said.

She laughs. “I sure hope so! You’re doing extremely well I wouldn’t be surprised if you were discharged tomorrow.”

Dowoon doesn’t say anything, only nods. He sits quietly as the nurse checks his stats when she leaves, he stares at the wall for about an hour before falling asleep.

Young K scoots his chair up to the rest of the group of people, around their therapist. She holds papers in her hands as well as a few pencils. Everyone listens to her explain the activity they have to do for this session. She hands Young K the stack of papers and he takes one, passing the rest down. The therapist gives them their pencils and they take their chairs back to the tables. Young K stares at the prompt in front of him, almost annoyed by it.

Write 5 good qualities and 5 bad qualities about you and explain them in detail

He scoffs as he begins to write. After a few minutes of focusing on the his bad qualities, he takes a break to think of the good. He looks up to the girl sitting across from him. She looks pale and when she looks up, her faces evens to be melting. Young K yells and jumps back, falling out of his chair.

“Ah shit! What the fuck?” He quickly gets up, taking a few steps back.

Everyone stares at him, confused. His breathing speeds up as he looks back at her. Her face is normal again. He blinks and apologizes, sitting back down. The rest of the night he sits at a different table, staring out the window. After dinner, it begins to rain. People are arriving for visitation. Young K stands up and walks to the front desk to use the phone.

“Hello?” Jae answers, sounding like his mouth is full.

“Hey. How are you guys today?” Young K asks, sitting in a chair.

“Good.” The voice sounds different, but familiar.

Young K feels his heart speed. “Dowoon?”

“The one and only.” Dowoon smiles into the phone.

“Oh god, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“Hey, when you get out, we are going to have a very nice long talk. Okay? Don’t be afraid, it’s not bad. But I think we need to.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

“No, definitely.” Dowoon pauses. “Brian? I love you too.”

“Oh, uh, love you.”

Dowoon smiles and lets out a small chuckle. Young K relaxes his shoulders as everyone tells him about their day. He smiles, happy to hear everyone’s voices and laughs. The nurses let him talk the full 30 minutes since no one else needed to use the phone. He doesn’t feel upset to hang up, but also doesn’t want to. Everyone lets out loud goodbyes into the phone. Dowoon makes kiss noises and Young K snorts. The nurse smiles behind him, stepping back as he stands up. He walks back down the the common area and sits in a chair. A nurse sits across from him, noticing how happy he is.

“Are you happy about your meeting tomorrow?” The nurse asks.

“Meeting?” Young K raises an eyebrow. “Why do I have a meeting?”

“To assess your progress. If it goes well you’ll most likely be released.”

“That would be great.” He smiles. “Dowoon is finally awake and I actually got to hear his voice again.”

Young K’s legs starts to shake a bit at the thought of being away from support. Unable to harm himself or find drugs. He looks down at the bandages on his wrists and picks at the tape. The nurse lightly taps his hand on the table to make him stop. He apologizes but unknowingly continues. The nurse tells him to stop and he slowly stands up. He announced he is going to shower.

A nurse stands up and the two walk to the laundry room. She hands him his shower basket and clean clothes from his basket. He thanks her and goes towards the bathroom. Before he shuts the door, she reminds him to not put his old bandages on. He smiles and close the door, locking it. The shower caddy sits underneath the sink as Young K slowly starts to strip his clothes off. Once he is naked, he picks at the medical tape stuck to his wrist. It stings as it pulls at his arm hair. The bandages have small yellow and red spots from where the wound pussed over. Young K pulls the curtain back and presses the button for the shower. The first 3 minute run, he doesn’t get in as it is too cold. He presses the button again, grabbing his shampoo and soap. The water isn’t exactly hot but it’ll do. He quickly washes his body before the water stops again. It stop as he is putting shampoo in his hair, making him quickly turn and press the button again.

He steps out from the shower and grabs the towel from on top of his stack of clothes. A nurse knocks on the door to check on him. He yells out, slightly annoyed as it has only been 10 minutes since he’s been in the bathroom. His clothes smell nice as he pulls them over his body. Like a mix of different flowers. He stops and looks at his wrists. The cuts have partially healed but he knows they’ll leave bad scars. He bends his wrists, looking at how deep the cuts were, not sure if he is sad or proud. Shaking his head, he grabs his caddy and walks out, putting it back in the laundry room. He walks down the hall and throws the towel into a room for linens and towels and such. A different nurse stops him and ushers him into the examination room. She gets out a roll of gauze, medical tape, and scissors. Young K looks over and notices a few syringes and bottles on a different table. His stomach twists and he sits on the bed.

The nurse quietly wraps his wrists. She stands up and he just stares and she walks to the other side. He sees her grab a needle and a bottle. His heart speeds as he grabs for his arm, wiping it with an alcohol pad. She finds a vein and injects the liquid into his arm. He grunts in pain from the injection, still confused as to what it’s for.

“Let us know if you have anymore hallucinations.” The nurse says with a smile before escorting him back to the commons.

Everyone stands up as they get ready to go to their rooms. Young K feels his body get heavy as he slowly walks to his room.

Jae and Wonpil walk down the hall, Jae keeping his head low. They walk into Wonpil’s room and sit at the table. Wonpil turns the tv on for background noise but focuses on Jae.

“Are you ever going to explain that text to me from the other night?” Wonpil asks, trying to not be too confrontational.

“It was just-“ Jae pauses. “Sungjin. He freaked out and started screaming at me for no reason. I hadn’t ever seen him like that. I didn’t even do anything. He got a bit rough.” He puts his hands to his face. “He’s becoming this monster and I don’t understand why.”

Wonpil sighs and looks down. “Explain ‘a bit rough’ to me.”

“He grabbed my arm and pulled me.” He lifts his sleeve to show small bruises on his forearm. “I ended up falling and hitting my head off the TV stand.” Tears form in his eyes. “I just want my Sungjin back. This isn’t him. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

“I don’t fully understand why you’re letting him abuse you.”

“Because I love him and he will change, he told me he will. But then again, he also said he’d never hurt me to begin with. I’m just so tired.”

Wonpil lays his hand over Jae’s, noticing him flinch slightly from the touch. He apologizes but Jae assures him it’s okay. The two sit there, quietly listening to the TV behind them. Jae sits back in his chair and sighs loudly.

“I know this has to be hard on you.” Jae says, pulling his hand away.

“Me? What do you mean?” Wonpil replies.

“Well, you fell in love with Sungjin, then I started dating him, and you had to watch our relationship crumble. The man you fell in love with is an abusive mess. You are basically in the same boat as me. I’m sure you feel just as much pain as me.”

“I wouldn’t say that, exactly. You actually-you know.”

Jae laughs. “I get hit. Yeah, I know but honestly a broken heart hurts a million times more than a punch. And we both are going through that.”

Dowoon sits up in his bed and looks around. He picks at the skin on his lip until it starts to bleed. His stomach twists as he worries about Young K’s mental health. He worries if this is the end of the band and everyone’s careers. A employee brings in a lunch tray and he thanks her. His hand shakes as he lifts the lid from the plate, dropping it to the side. He stretches his fingers out but his hand still shakes. When he checks the IV, everything looks normal. His heart flutters but he brushes it all off and begins to eat.

Young K stares out the window of the common area. A nurse asks him if he is ready for his meeting. He nods and they walk to a small office a few doors down. His therapist and a woman he’s never seen before sit, greeting him as he walks in. He sits beside the unknown woman and stares nervously.

“We reviewed your progress this week and I’m sorry, Brian, we do not think you are ready to be released. You seem to be suffering from hallucinations frequently. This is normal for heroin withdrawal. But the content of your journals and assignments from group are very concerning. We will have another meeting in two days to assess your progress then.” His therapist tells him.

“Sometimes it’s weird being a treated like a human again.” He stares out the window beside him.

His heart pounds as he feels his head spin slightly. He stands to leave but his legs give out and he falls to the floor. The woman leans down and props him against the wall. Sweat pours from his face. He pushes her off and pulls himself up, running out towards the bathroom. Before he reaches the door, his vision goes completely black. He feels his shoulder his the wall but blacks out before he hits the ground.

He shakes when he wakes up, surrounded by EMT’s and security. His therapist calls out to him but he can’t hear through the sirens. He feels his body numb as he is pushed into the ambulance. The EMT places a heat blanket over him and asks him to stay still. He stiffens, unable to speak from anxiety.

“What’s happening to me?” Young K turn to the man on his right. “Am I going to die?” He cries out. “I can’t die. Dowoon will never forgive me.”

He feels sick when the man doesn’t answer, calling out to the driver to speed up. Young K watches him take out a long needle and begins to insert it. The liquid burns as it goes into his arm, making him scream out.

Young K jumps awake and gasps, the midnight nurse apologizing for walking him up. He looks around and feels his chest tighten.

“Sorry, Younghyun I didn’t mean to scare you. Just checking in.” She says. “Also, I heard you’re being discharged in the morning. Congrats!”


	7. Some Sinking Feelings

Young K’s slowly packs his clothes into his bag, unsure why he feels nervous. He walks to the front desk and sets his bag on the ground. A nurse slides a folder across the counter to him. He signs the discharge papers and slowly makes his way towards the door. The security guard unlocks it and they walk towards the parking lot. Young K looks up to a familiar black car. His manager smiles and greets him as he walks up. They hug and the manager puts Young K’s bag in the back seat. Young K crawls into the passenger's seat and looks around the interior of his car. In the console, he sees something sticking out so he instinctively grabs it. It’s his phone. His manager gets in and smiles. 

“I kept it charged for you. Figured you’d want it when you got out.” The manager tells him while starting the car. 

“Thanks. I thought I’d go crazy without it.” Young K laughs to himself. 

Dowoon plays a game on his phone while waiting for some test result to come back. His fingers tap the back of his phone nervously. There is talking outside his room, making him peek up curiously. The voices are familiar and he realizes that it’s Jae and Sungjin. He listens carefully and hears Wonpil speak once as well. His head lowers as he doesn’t hear Young K. Jae and Sungjin walk in, holding hands. They smiles and greet Dowoon, Jae glaring at Dowoon’s bloody bottom lip. 

“I told you to stop picking at your lip. It’s all crusty and gross.” Jae scolds him. 

“Did Young K not come back?” Dowoon asks, sadly. 

Before Jae responds, Wonpil walks in, pulling someone in by their wrist. Young K had tried to hide his face but Dowoon recognizes him instantly. He jumps forward in bed, tangling his feet in the sheets. Young K walks to the end of the bed just as Dowoon falls into his chest. They hug tightly for what seems like forever. Young K finally pulls away and smiles, trying not to get emotional. 

He is surprised when Dowoon grabs his wrists and pulls his sleeves up. The wounds still aren’t fully healed. Dowoon feels his heart drop, wrapping his hands tightly around Young K’s forearm. He apologizes before pulling away and sitting back in bed. 

“So, guys. If the results for this test are good then I’ll be able to leave today.” Dowoon says quietly, keeping his head down. 

“That’s amazing! I hope you get to leave. It’s been too long since we got to see each other.” Young K sounds almost too happy. 

“How long ago did they do the test?” Jae asks. 

“About an hour. Expecting them any minute but who knows.” 

Everyone nods and goes quiet. Eventually, Jae and Sungjin go down to the cafeteria. Wonpil sits in the chair, Young K walking over to sit on his lap. He feels Wonpil’s awkwardness but doesn’t stand up as he’s too focused on Dowoon. Dowoon looks up to him and offers his hand. When Young K takes it, he is surprised when Wonpil bumps him off his lap. He apologizes and walks out, grabbing his jacket from the edge of the bed. Young K and Dowoon look up as their manager walks in with the nurse behind him. 

“Well, Mr. Yoon. Your results are near perfect so we are going to start the discharge process. We will be giving you a prescription for your seizures. The pharmacist will explain how to take it but we also printed out some information about it for you. With a Korean translation as well.” The nurse explains, with Young K translating some of it. 

Dowoon nods and grabs the stack of papers, nervously smiling. He bites the dead skin that’s left on his lip, getting up to put his normal clothes on. Young K hands him the stack of clothes from the nightstand and he waddles to the bathroom. He stares in the mirror, nervous about Young K’s mental health. His heart flutters after he changes. He stares at the door for a minute before finally opening it. Young K stands, holding the papers as well as the discharge papers. He hands Dowoon his jacket and they begin to walk out of the room. They go to the front desk and the woman confirms his discharge so they leave. 

Young K and Dowoon get into the managers car. They quietly drive down to the pharmacy, Dowoon laying down in the back seat. When they pull into the lot, he jumps up and grabs the script. They all get out but Young K and Dowoon lead, the manager guarding just behind. Dowoon shakes anxiously when he reaches the back counter. He hands the woman his script and she goes to the back to fill it. 

“Uh, our insurance probably isn't accepted here.” Dowoon says awkwardly. 

“Then we will pay it on my card. Don’t worry.” Young K says, sliding beside him. 

After waiting for about 15 minutes, the woman comes back with the prescription. She rings it in and tells them the price. Young K nearly chokes at the $250 cost but pays for it anyway. Dowoon thanks him quietly, grabbing the bag and leaving. 

The ride back to the hotel is awkward to say the least. The manager drops them off as he has to run a few errands. Dowoon tries to carry Young K’s bags but Young K quickly takes them from him. He huffs but lets it go very fast. Young K checks his pockets frantically for his keycard, panicking slightly before remembering it's in his bag. He leans down and sets his bag on the ground. As he opens the bag, Dowoon leans down as well. He grabs Young K’s cheek and pulls his face forward. They kiss but when Dowoon goes to pull away, Young K follows him. He pulls off and blushes, finding the keycard and opening the door. 

Wonpil jumps when they walk in, almost forgetting they were coming back. He looks at Dowoon awkwardly, as he begins to pick his clothes up from around the room. Dowoon side glances Young K who is already unpacking his clothes. 

“I bunked with Brian while you were gone and uh then myself.” Wonpil says, scooting over to the door. “I’ll let you too have your privacy.”

“Thank you.” Dowoon replies quietly. 

Dowoon shuffles over to his bed and sits down. He opens the bag with his prescription in it and reads the label. 

Take one at night and one in the morning with food. May cause dizziness. 

“I hate medicine.” Dowoon pouts. 

Young K looks over and smiles. “I know, honey, but it’s to make you better. It’s temporary.” 

Dowoon puts his head and and starts to cry. “Young K, I-” he chokes up. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I can’t fly back home.” He cries harder. “These stupid seizures have to stop before I can even think about getting on a plane.” 

Young K feels his stomach knot slightly as he sits beside Dowoon. “I’ll stay here with you, then. It’s easier for me to get my outpatient treatment here, anyway.” 

“Why did you do this to yourself? What made you want to hurt yourself this badly?” 

“It’s difficult to explain.” He puts his head down and looks away from Dowoon. 

“Well, try. What if you had damaged the nerves in your wrist? You wouldn’t be able to play bass again.” 

“I just had a weak moment because you were gone and I didn’t know how to handle it. I broke down. It wasn’t deep enough to do damage.” 

“It was enough to traumatize everyone and for you to almost die in the bathroom.” 

“Well, you seem to know a lot about the situation, already.” He stands up and takes his jacket off. “I’m gonna go get you a snack so you can take your medicine. I’ll be right back.” 

Young K takes his keycard and walks out of the room. Dowoon stares at the wall in front of him before opening the bottle. The pills are small but he still makes a disgusted face when he takes one out. He plays with it before grabbing the water Wonpil left on his nightstand. The pill is bitter when he places it on his tongue, making his face twist as he swallows it. Young K comes back as he is twisting the cap back on.

“Did you take that without eating first?” Young K asks, slightly annoyed. 

“It won’t hurt anything. How many medicines say that and it doesn’t make a difference?” Dowoon shrugs it off, taking the bag of chips Young K got him. 

“Says the boy who got a stomach ache when you took that Tylenol before breakfast.” 

“Shut up.” 

Young K flops down in his bed and groans. “Ugh, this bed feel so nice compared to the mat I slept on at the hospital.” 

Wonpil throws his suitcase on his bed, back in his old room. He takes his phone out and sits back against the headrest. His mind wanders, thinking about Dowoon’s new medication. He tells himself he will get Dowoon to give him some to make himself feel better. Before he actually acts upon this, he falls asleep, making his phone fall onto his chest. 

Jae and Sungjin sit in the cafeteria, fully aware of Dowoon being discharged already. Sungjin picks at his food while watching Jae sip on a cup of coffee. He puts his fork down and clears his throat. Jae sets his cup down, focusing his full attention onto Sungjin. 

“I want to see a movie.” Sungjin tells Jae, standing up to throw his plate away. 

“Oh, um, we can go see one I guess.” Jae replies, awkwardly. 

“Good, we are going now.” 

Sungjin walks out, making Jae run out after grabbing their jackets. He meets up with Sungjin right as he walks out of the door to the parking lot. They get into the car and Sungjin speeds off. Jae is clearly uncomfortable by Sungjin’s driving as he increases his speed on the interstate. He buries his face in his phone to distract himself. Sungjin eventually finds a movie theater, whipping the car into the lot and into the first open space he sees. Jae gets out quickly, not sure if he is annoyed or scared by Sungjin’s driving. They walk inside and decide on some sappy romance movie that they haven’t heard of. Sungjin buys popcorn and a soda and the two make their way to the theater. Jae shifts in his seat as the lights dim. He looks over to Sungjin, who is texting underneath his jacket. 

Wonpil wakes up suddenly, throwing his body up, making him yell out in pain. He stands up and walks to the bathroom, pulling his shirt up to check his gauze. It’s painful as he slowly peels the tape back, taking his shirt off to make it easier for him. His stomach muscles twitch as he throws the bandage away. The cut is very red and burning as blood pools from where the gauze ripped at it. He feels sick as he stumbles into the hallway, grabbing his keycard from the table and walking out. Dowoon answers his door and is surprised to see Wonpil standing there shirtless. He looks down at this stomach and winces at how painful it looks. His eyes travel back up to Wonpil’s face as Young K walks up behind him. They see how sickly Wonpil looks. 

“I think I have an infection.” Wonpil strains, feeling a shock of pain in his side. 

Dowoon wraps his arm around Wonpil and brings him in the room. “How do we fix this?” He looks up to Young K.

“Usually you need antibiotics. But maybe we can just clean it and make it better. I’ll go to the store to by some stuff.” Young K tells Dowoon. “Stay with Wonpil. I’ll be right back.” 

Young K puts his shoes and jacket on before quickly leaving for the store. Dowoon looks over to Wonpil, who is laying on his back and breathing hard. Wonpil closes his eyes as he pulls his body up on the bed more. Dowoon watches his chest rise and fall, unaware that his mouth is hanging open. 

“If you stare any longer, I’m going to take my pants off too.” Wonpil says.

Dowoon chokes on air and is unsure if he should laugh or blush. He face-palms and shakes his head. “The infection must have reached your brain.” 

Wonpil sits up and sighs. “Do you not find me attractive?” 

Dowoon’s thrown back by this question but answers honestly. “You’re extremely attractive but-” 

“But what?” 

“Don’t take anything from that, I love Young K very much.” 

Wonpil places a hand on Dowoon’s thigh. “You can love him but you can still like me.” He kisses his cheek. 

“Please don’t do this to me.” Dowoon sighs and repeats. “I love Young K.”

“Ah, this hurts so much. Do you think your medicine would help any?” He changes the subject. 

He watches as Dowoon reaches for a bottle on his nightstand. “I'm not sure. Isn’t this for seizures?” 

“It’s used for a lot of things. I think it’ll help. Just one please?” 

Dowoon doesn’t think as he unscrews the cap and picks one pill out. He tells Wonpil to hold out his hand as he places it into his palm. Wonpil thanks him as he pops it into his mouth. Dowoon hands him a bottle of water so he can swallow it better. He watches as Wonpil begins to relax, laying back down and eventually falling asleep. For the next hour he looks over Wonpil but begins to worry about Young K taking so long. He gets his phone out and calls him. 

“Hey. Everything okay? You’ve been gone awhile.” Dowoon asks, concerned. 

“There was a lot of traffic. I’m just now reaching the store. Sorry.” Young K replies, sounding tired. 

“Alright. Be safe and hurry back.” He hangs up. 

Jae and Sungjin walk out of the movie theater but stand outside the car for a few minutes. They talk about how they did not enjoy the movie at all. Jae feels his stomach cramp from the soda he drank but brushes it off. He asks Sungjin to unlock the car but for some reason he refuses. Again, he asks but Sungjin just snaps and yells at him. Jae takes a step back, holding his hands up at the sudden aggression. Sungjin shakes his head and simply tells him he isn’t done talking. When Jae rolls his eyes, Sungjin pulls him by the wrist and pushes him against the trunk. Jae hits hard against the metal making him grunt in pain. Instead of apologizing, Jae straightens himself and turns to Sungjin. His eye twitches and he exhales sharply. Sungjin raises an eyebrow and is surprised when Jae punches him in the face. He stumbles back but Jae hits him again, and again. Sungjin falls on the ground after bumping into someone’s car. Jae leans down and strikes down again, this time hitting his stomach. He can’t stop himself as he yells out. Eventually Sungjin is able to grab Jae’s wrist, pushing him backwards. His head collides with the rim of the tire, making him fall to his side. Sungjin panics as Jae doesn’t get up. His eyes stare at the gravel until he eventually closes them. He feels Sungjin place a hand on his arm but blacks out quickly after. 

Sungjin shakes Jae, trying to wake him up without alerting anyone. He looks around to make sure he’s alone before picking Jae up and placing him in the backseat. His heart speeds up as he drives off towards the hotel. When he gets into the parking lot, he looks back to check on Jae. Jae’s eyes are open again but he doesn’t move, staring at the fabric of the seat in front of him. Sungjin gets out and assists Jae into the hotel. Thankfully it’s late so no one is around to whiteness the injury. Jae moans in pain and grabs his head, checking for any blood. Sungjin sets him down on the bed and laughs slightly hysterically. Jae looks up at him as he punches the wall. His face doesn’t show many emotions as he goes up to Jae’s suitcase. 

Jae watches in confusion as Sungjin rummages through his things. Eventually, Sungjin pulls out a small box. He turns towards Jae as he opens it. Jae’s heart pounds when he pours the contents in his hand. 

“Pills don’t suit you, sweetheart.” Sungjin smiles. “You’re skinny enough and you can’t handle the mood swings.” 

He walks to the bathroom to flush the pills but Jae runs up behind him and wraps his arm around his throat. Sungjin drops the pills on the ground as Jae fights him. Jae pushes Sungjin into the vanity but let’s go, dropping to the floor instead. Sungjin catches his breath and turns to Jae with tears in his eyes. Jae cries, making his head hurt more, pulling his legs to his chest. 

“Please, Sungjin. I can’t do this anymore.” Jae yells out. “I can’t handle the abuse. I don’t want to be afraid of you. You used to be so nice, so happy. Now you’re this ugly monster that doesn’t care about anyone else.” 

Young K walks down the aisle of the pharmacy, looking for anything to help. His mask hides his face. He finds himself in the bandage and pain killer section. After filling his hand basket with different bandages and ointments, he turns to the medicines. His hand hovers over the different bottles, looking for the strongest one. He stops when he sees a box of sleep aids, closing his eyes as he grabs it off the shelf. After finding a few more supplies for Wonpil, he finally checks out. The cashier looks at him as if she had seen him before. He pulls his mask up over his face a bit more, keeping his head low. The cashier figures out who he is when he swipes his card. Young K nods and thanks her as she hands him the bag. He rushes out, hoping she won't tell people what he bought. He gets back into the car and quickly leaves the lot. 

Dowoon picks at his lip, standing up from his bed. Wonpil wakes up and groggily looks around for Dowoon. He get up and and walks to Dowoon, who is sitting on the couch. 

“Is the medicine helping?” Dowoon asks, without looking up from his phone. 

“Yes, very much, thanks.” Wonpil replies, sitting next to Dowoon. He smiles and rests his head on Dowoon’s shoulder. “You’re so nice to me.”

“You’re my friend. I’ll do anything to help you.” Dowoon starts to shake his leg. “I skipped my dosage for you.” 

Wonpil straightens himself and widens his eyes. “You didn’t take it today?” 

Dowoon shakes his head but is stopped by the door opening. Young K walks in holding a bag full of stuff. He sets it loudly on the table and rubs his eyes, tiredly. Wonpil and Dowoon watch as he crawls into bed and falls asleep. They shrug it off as a long day and look inside the bag. Wonpil pulls out a long ace bandage and some neosporin. He looks at Dowoon and asks him to help. Dowoon accepts and starts unwrapping the bandage. Wonpil breaks the seal on the ointment, sitting down on Dowoon’s bed. He applies it over his cut, wincing when he goes over certain spots. Dowoon places a gauze over the cut and tapes it on before wrapping the bandage around Wonpil’s stomach. 

When Dowoon is finished he stands up. Wonpil jumps when Dowoon stumbles back into the wall and onto the floor. He curses loudly as Dowoon jerks his body, unable to breathe. Wonpil yells out to Young K to wake up as he holds Dowoon’s head steady. Young K wakes up, jumping out of bed so quickly, he pulls a muscle in his back. They hold Dowoon as still as possible until the seizure passes a minute later. 

Dowoon mumbles under his breath but neither of them can understand him. Young K picks him up and carries him to his own bed. He pulls the covers over him and thanks Wonpil for waking him up. Wonpil nods and grabs the bag, leaving quickly. Young K crawls under the covers next to Dowoon and wraps his arms around his waist. He is unable to fall back asleep, getting up and going over to his jacket. In the pocket is the bottle of sleep aids. He takes two pills out before looking over at Dowoon and taking two more out.

He walks to the bathroom to get some water, setting the bottle on the counter. His head hurts as he remember he needs to take his other medicine as well. He wandles back out to the room, still holding the pills in his hand. The bottle to his Prozac is hard to twist open with one hand so he sets the pills on the table. After he takes the Prozac, he takes another bottle and turns it around. The label says Seroquel, something the doctor gave him to help the hallucinations. He sighs before taking that as well. Dowoon looks up as he takes the sleep aids and crawls back over to the bed. He pulls the covers over his head and falls asleep.

Jae holds his head as Sungjin plays with the strings on his hoodie. He looks up as Jae throws the diet pills into Sungin’s face. Sungjin flinches back and Jae stands up, grabbing Sungjin by the back of the hair. He winces in pain and tries to pull away but Jae doesn’t let go.

“Does this hurt?” Jae asks quietly but completely emotionless. “Do you want me to let go?” 

“Shit, yes, let go. It hurts.” Sungjin lets out a pained whine before Jae finally lets go. 

“Apologize.”

“What?”

“Tell me you’re sorry for making me do that to you.”

“I didn’t make you-” Sungjin stops, realizing he has done all of this to Jae. He stops and stands up. “Oh my fucking god, Jae. I’m so sorry.” 

He wraps his arms around Jae, who has started to cry. Sungjin can’t hold back tears as he pushes Jae harder into his chest and begins to shake. Jae holds his breath and pushes Sungjin in his chest. The breath is knocked out of him as he stumbles back. He straightens himself before pushing Jae as well. Jae puts his head down as he goes over to the TV. Sungjin watches as he picks up god wallet, pulling out a boxcutter blade. He tries to hide it in his palm but Sungjin grabs him by the arm. 

“Don’t you fucking dare. Give it to me.” Sungjin demands, trying to pry the blade from Jae’s hand.

Jae tries to move away but Sungjin’s grip is too tight. “I’m a fucking adult, I can do what I fucking want.” 

“You are not hurting yourself!” Sungjin screams. 

“Why? So you can hurt me instead? Fuck you!” Jae trips over his feet and the two fall into the TV stand. Sungjin wraps his arms completely around Jae. “Hit me, please. I deserve it.” 

Sungjin feels sick as he continues to hold Jae, who tries to break free. Eventually Jae calms down and his breathing slows. He gives Sungjin the blade, not realizing it cut his hand in the struggle. Sungjin rocks him from side to side and shushes him. 

“It’ll be okay baby. I love you. Everything will be better in the morning.” Sungjin pets him. “It’s time to go to sleep now. Okay? It’s time to go to bed.” 

Jae nods and Sungjin picks him up, taking him over to the bed. Sungjin falls asleep quickly but Jae stares at the ceiling for another hour before finally shutting his eyes and going to sleep.


	8. Disappearing Act

“Jae? Earth to Jae!” Sungjin snaps in front of Jae’s face.

Jae comes back to reality and looks around the table at everyone else. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

They all talk while waiting for their food to arrive. Dowoon lays his head on Young K’s shoulder as he plays a game on his phone. He looks up at Wonpil, who is staring at him through his glass of water. His head pulls back quickly, making him accidentally knock the cup onto his lap. He gasps loudly and jumps up, throwing the cup back on the table. Everyone laughs at him as he frantically grabs his napkin. The waitress comes over to see what happened and she offers to get him a new drink as well as a rag. Wonpil hides his face in embarrassment as this is the one day he decided to wear light jeans. Dowoon takes his flannel off and throws it over to him. He thanks him and wraps it around his lap.

Their food eventually comes and they all settle down to eat. Young K keeps his hand on Dowoon’s thigh as he enjoys his meal. Sungjin takes a bite of his burger, shoving a fry into Jae’s face. Jae happily bites it before going back to his own food. Everyone quietly finishes their meals and waits for the check to be brought. Wonpil’s face still burns hot from his incident but everyone else seems to have moved on. They pay their bill and stand up, Dowoon watching Wonpil wrap the flannel around his waist. As they all pile around the car Jae drove, they think of things to do.

“Mini golf?” Sungjin suggests.

Everyone shrugs and decides it’s too cold and late for that. Dowoon leans his back against the door, playing with a hole in his shirt. Young K crosses his arms and leans beside him. He sighs and looks around at the other boys, who are deep in thought.

“I can’t think of anything and I’m tired so I just wanna go to bed. Y’all can figure something out but I’m going back to the hotel.” Young K throws his hands up, walking over to the car parked a few spaces down.

Dowoon straightens himself and apologizes before walking towards Young K. Wonpil stares at Sungjin, quickly looking away when he looks over. He peeks around the parking lot, making sure no one is around before pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“Whoa, where did those come from?” Jae questions Wonpil.

“I don’t usually smoke but every once and awhile I need something to relieve stress.” He lights the cigarette. “I mean I usually like to have sex but that’s out of the picture now.”

Jae and Sungjin stare awkwardly at Wonpil as he takes a long drag of the cigarette. He flicks the lighter a few times before putting it back in his pocket. Sungjin looks Wonpil up and down, judgingly but intrigued. Jae gets in the driver's seat of the car and starts it, to warm it up. By this time, Wonpil is mostly done smoking.

Dowoon and Young K walk into the hotel room. Young K stretches and takes his jacket off, turning towards Dowoon. He wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls him in for a hugs.

“Ah, I’m so tired I don’t know what to do with myself.” Young K says, kissing Dowoon in between words.

“Sleep?” Dowoon innocently suggests.

“You’re cute.”

Young K pulls Dowoon back onto the bed and kisses him again. Dowoon wraps his arms around his waist and rolls him on top of him. He smiles against Young K’s mouth as he slides his hands underneath his shirt. Young K grinds against Dowoon as he claws into his hips. He pulls at Dowoon’s pants, attempting to take them off while still being on top of him. Dowoon pushes him to the side and slides his pants off but keeps his boxers on. He bites his bottom lip as Young K unbuttons his pants.

“Don’t take them off all the way. Sex with clothes on in kinda my thing.” Dowoon says, pulling Young K in for another kiss.

“Whatever you want, honey.” Young K replies in between kisses.

Dowoon can’t help but laugh at Young K’s serious won’t for him. Young K pushes him down with a kiss, wrapping his leg around Dowoon’s body. He wraps his fingers in his hair, pulling just enough to make him moan out. His head rolls back as Dowoon bites his neck. After about a minute of teasing, Young K can’t take it anymore. He whines and begs for Dowoon to let him continue.

Wonpil lays on his bed, flipping the tv remote to his side as he stares at the wall. He grabs his phone to check the time and sees he missed a text from Sungjin.

**Masturbation** **is healthier**

He rolls his eyes and gets up, grabbing his jacket and walking out. His hand plays with the lighter inside his pocket as he skips over to the elevator. Young K and Dowoon are waiting for the doors to open as well. They greet him and they all walk in, Dowoon pressing the ground floor button. He fans his face and leans against the back wall. Young K leans over to Wonpil and smells his jacket. Wonpil awkwardly turns to look at him.

“Have you been smoking?” Young K asks him.

Wonpil laughs, pushing his hands deeper in his pockets. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Young K holds his hand out but Wonpil just stares. “Give them to me.”

“You do know I’m an adult, right? If I want to smoke then I can.”

The elevator doors open and Wonpil tries to rush out, but the two follow him outside. Dowoon sits on a bench and watches Wonpil and Young K. He awkwardly stays quiet, not really wanting to fight. Young K glares as Wonpil takes a cigarette out and lights it, stepping away when Young K tries to grab his arm.

“It’s a bad addiction, Wonpil.” Young K tells him, crossing his arms.

“Uh huh, I should take it from you. You know all about addiction.” Wonpil snaps at him.

“Hey! He’s just trying to help.” Dowoon finally speaks up. “What’s so bad about that?”

“Because it’s not like this is some huge deal. I won’t get arrested, hospitalized, or kicked out of the company for smoking.”

“Okay, but it’s still an addiction, dumbass. You’re a singer and you need lung power as well as a throat to sing.”

“At least I don’t have to hide my arms for the rest of my life. Or have any managers cover anything up for me.”

“Alright, fine. If you’re just going to attack us then I’m done trying to help you.” Young K steps beside Dowoon, who stands up. “What do you want from Mcdonald’s?”

“I wasn’t even asking for help.” He sighs. “Just get me a tea or something.”

“Large?”

“Yeah.”

Young K and Dowoon walk over to the parking lot as Wonpil put his cigarette out. He gets his phone out and replies to Sungjin. Wonpil throws his cigarette and runs to the two, getting in the backseat.

**But doing both at the same time is amazing**

Sungjin rolls his eyes and laughs, putting his phone in his back pocket. He turns to see Jae peeking over, looking at his screen.

“Can I help you?” Sungjin takes a step to the side.

“Are you texting Wonpil?” Jae interrogates him, trying not to feel jealous.

“Yes. I was. He’s my friend and bandmate. We talk. You are in the same band us as.”

“You laughed, what was so funny?”

“It’s nothing, Jae. Stop being so jealous.”

“I think I have the right to feel this way.”

“Do you need reminded that you also fucked this boy? While in a relationship with me?” He walks down the hall of towards the mall bathrooms. “I’m going to pee. Do you want to hold my phone so you know I’m not cheating on you?”

“Yes please actually.” He smiles as Sungjin frowns. “I’m fucking joking. Go pee.” Jae leans against the wall while Sungjin walks into the bathroom.

Young K and Dowoon sit at a table at the food court, picking at a basket of fries. They wait for Jae and Sungjin to come back from the bathroom. Wonpil walks up to the table, holding a drink in his hand, and sits down. Dowoon is curious as to why the two are taking so long to come back. He stands up and starts walking to towards the bathrooms. As soon as he reaches the hallway, he collides with a man running from the hall. Dowoon falls backwards, hitting the ground and knocking the air out of him. The man stumbles back into the wall, throwing something across the floor, under a table. Young K and Wonpil look up and rush over to Dowoon. They hear yelling from the hall, looking up to see Sungjin barreling out.

Sungjin yells and jumps on the man’s back, wrapping his arm around his throat. Jae runs out behind him, trying to catch is breath. Young K stands Dowoon up while Wonpil tries to get Sungjin off. Sungjin flips the man onto the ground and pulls his hands behind his back. Security comes to break up the fight, pulling Sungjin back by his arms. He straightens himself and the guards let go. Jae rushes to his side and hugs him tightly.

“Call the police.” Sungjin says, breathing hard into Jae’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? What the fuck happened?” Young K asks trying not to freak out.

“He tried to mug me.”

Jae pulls away from Sungjin as the guards grab the man from the floor. They carry him to a chair and begin to question him. Wonpil walks over to the item the man threw and his eyes widen. His head snaps back to Sungjin, who is turning pale. Everyone looks down to Sungjin’s waist at the same time, shocked. He stares confused before he looks down as well. There is blood pooling on his shirt. He puts his hand over it, wincing at the pain.

“Well, shit.” Sungjin says nonchalantly.

“Um, maybe we should get you to the hospital.” Jae suggests, trying to pull him towards the door.

“I’m fine. If it was bad I wouldn’t have tackled the dude.”

“It’s called adrenaline. Please get that checked out.”

Everyone agrees that he should go to the hospital, making him growl under his breath. Wonpil walks to the guards and points out the knife on the ground. They encourage the group to stay but Wonpil explains Sungjin’s injury and they immediately encourage going to the hospital. The boys rush out of the mall and over to the cars. Young K calls their manager while Jae helps Sungjin into the car. Sungjin tries to get him off, insisting he isn’t hurt enough for Jae to baby him. Jae puts his hands up and walks over to the driver’s seat, frustrated and still a little shaken.

Wonpil gets in the backseat and doesn’t look away from Sungjin once. Young K and Dowoon go to a separate car, across the light. Young K hangs up the phone and wraps his arm around Dowoon, rubbing his back.

“Are you okay? You hit the ground pretty hard.” Young K questions, worried he is hurt too.

“Yeah, just knocked the wind out of me. I’ll be good.” Dowoon says, hiding his wince when Young K touches his shoulder.

The two get in the car and everyone heads to the hospital. The admin nurse widens her eyes as they all walk in, shocked to see them here again. Jae gives in exacerbated sigh and leads Sungjin towards the ER, where he is taken to get checked out. Wonpil walks outside and sits on a bench, lighting a cigarette. He gives Young K an annoyed look when he walks out over to him. Young K sits beside him and leans forward.

“Are you here to judge me again?” Wonpil side eyes him.

“No, I’m actually here to bum a smoke.” Young K looks at him and sighs. Wonpil blinks and hands him a cigarette. “Gotta light, too?”

“You are such a mooch.” Wonpil reaches over and lights Young K’s cigarette. “You’re welcome.”

Dowoon rubs the back of his shoulder, feeling a knot begin to form. Jae basically lays in the chair beside him, playing on his phone. Young K and Wonpil walk back in and sit down. Dowoon looks over to Young K, pulling his hand away from his shoulder. Jae gets impatient and stands up. He walks down the hall and knocks on the door to Sungjin’s room. A nurse lets him in.

Sungjin sits on the examination table, shirtless. A nurse is stitching his wound shut. Jae walks over to him and gives a half smile. Sungjin winces as the nurse applies some spray over the stitches and puts the gauze over them. He smiles and looks up to Jae.

“See, I told you it wasn’t a big deal.” Sungjin calms Jae’s clearly stressed mind. “They only took one vital organ out.”

“Don’t joke, you douchebag.” Jae smiles.

The nurse stands up and takes her gloves off, throwing them away. She hands him a prescription the doctor wrote for him as well as papers about the medication. They thank her and Sungjin grabs his shirt, quickly putting it on, attempting to hide his pain. Jae noticies and helps him off the table, holding his hand as they leave. Everyone stands up and smiles, meeting the two halfway.

“You’re alive! What’s the damage?” Young K tries to lift his shirt up slightly.

“Got a good amount of stitches. But no damage to anything important. Get to be on fun drugs too. Oh they also gave me a valium that has in fact, set in.”

Young K laughs lightly pats him on the back. They all walk. “I prefer to not see this hospital again for my entire life.”

“I can live with that.”

Dowoon walks into the hotel room, slowly taking his jacket off, groaning slightly. Young K watches him struggle and walk over to him. Dowoon smiles and starts to walk towards his suitcase. He takes his shirt off and throws it to the side, reaching for a new shirt to sleep in. Young K looks over at his back and his heart drops. There is a large bruise forming on Dowoon’s shoulder. He can see the knot that formed from where he is standing. Dowoon turns to him and starts to put his shirt on. Young K stops him and points the bruise out to him. He brushes it off and tells him he landed on his shoulder when he fell.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t even hurt that badly.” Dowoon assures him.

“You lied about not getting hurt, is there anything else you’re lying about?” Young K questions him, slightly annoyed.

“I think I hit my head but it doesn’t hurt so I doubt it.”

“Babe, you need to tell people when you’re hurt so we can see what is and isn’t hurt badly. What if you had a seizure?”

“I haven’t had one in over a week. I’m really fine. You should be worrying more about Sungjin, than me.”

Jae waits in the room for Sungjin to get back from the pharmacy. He looks at the time trying to figure out how long he would be till he got back. His eyes travel to the TV stand. Sungjin has hidden Jae’s razor blade under the cable box. He stands up and walks over to it, lifting the box up carefully and grabbing the blade. His heart slows as he walks back to his bed. He sits in the middle and looks up at the TV, playing with the blade. It slips out of his fingers and onto the bed. Jae stares at it for a second before picking it back up. He holds his arm out and places the blade to it. In a second, he quickly slices at his arm. Blood drips from the cut as he moves down to make another one.

As he goes to make his third mark, he’s stopped by Sungjin grabbing him. Sungjin wraps his arms around Jae and pulls him forward. Jae drops the blade and falls into Sungjin’s chest. He stares at the wall as Sungjin assess what Jae did to himself.

“Jae! What the fuck?” Sungjin yells, concerned.

“It was an accident.” Jae replies in a whisper.

“Bullshit. Why did you do this?” He holds Jae’s arm tightly, holding it out. “Hey, look at me. Give me one good reason for why you cut yourself.”

“I just wanted to release some stress.”

“And did that work?”

“No I think I’m actually more stressed.”

“Big fucking surprise!”

Sungjin throws Jae’s arm down and walks to the bathroom to get a hand towel. He gives it to Jae and walks out of the room. Tears form in Jae’s eyes and he looks at the ground, motionless. He places the towel over his arm and wipes the blood away. It stings as he does it but he doesn’t mind. He stands up and walks to the bathroom to wash the rest of the blood away. There’s a knock on the main door, making him jump. He slowly opens the door, keeping his arm hidden behind it. Young K leans his hand on the frame, staring at Jae with an eyebrow raised. He gestured for Jae to show him his arm but Jae denies. Young K pushes himself in and gestures again. Jae finally pushes his arm forward and Young K grabs it. He turns it over, looking at the two, now clean, cuts.

“Why?” Young K asks with annoyance.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m not okay, Brian. I think it’s time for me to go back home.” Jae breaks down. “Please, if I leave, don’t let Sungjin follow me.”

“I’m not going to do that, Jae. He’s your boyfriend, your bandmate, and our friend. He’d ask where you were then get pissed at me for not telling him. If you want to leave, you tell him. It’s your responsibility.” He pauses. “Home meaning Korea or LA?”

“I don’t fucking know. Anywhere away from here. From this.”

Young K hugs Jae tightly, trying not to cry. He rocks him from side to side, trying to calm him down. Jae begins to cry harder, yelling into Young K’s chest. Young K holds him tighter, rubbing his bag to calm him. He pulls away and tells Jae he’s going to bandage him up. Jae agrees and wipes his tears away. Young K tells him to sit on the couch while he goes to get bandages. Jae sits and waits quietly, staring at his arm depressingly.

Sungjin and Dowoon look up when the door opens. Young K sighs and goes over to the bag of things he bought for Wonpil a week back. He digs for a box of band-aids and a tube of neosporin. Sungjin thanks him as he walks back out.

“I’m not good with these kinds of things.” Sungjin tells Dowoon.

“I understand. I’m not either.” Dowoon picks at his lip. “But it’s still always best to just be there with him. Show him you care. Sometimes just being there for the person is help enough.”

“I’m afraid he’s going to leave me.”

“Do you blame him? You toss him around like a rag doll and yell at him for stupid things. Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t broken up with you yet.” He shifts his leg underneath his other leg. “But I do know he loves you and doesn’t want to leave you. You’re driving him to this and that’s the harsh reality. Either you change yourself or you’re going to lose him. And with how depressed he fucking is, I’m afraid we’ll all lose him.”

“I’m such a fucking idiot. I just don’t know how to react to stressful things. I get angry and explode and I do things I regret.”

“Like Wonpil?”

“Shut up! I know I’m a fuck up! Okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

Sungjin pushes Dowoon’s shoulder, making him yells in pain. Dowoon stands up and glares at him. He gets up and apologizes, unsure how he hurt him.

Young K leans in front of Jae, applying neosporin and a band-aid to each cut. Jae thanks him as he sits down next to him. He apologizes but Young K tells him there is no reason to.

“Go get the others. I want ice cream.” Jae says, forcing a smile.

Young K laughs and gets up. “Sure thing.”

He walks out and goes down to Wonpil’s room, knocking on the door. No one answers so he knocks again, no answer. He goes to his room and asks if either of them have Wonpil’s room key. Sungjin gets his wallet out and hands him the key. Young K gives him a weird look but turns to leave. He opens the door and walks in. The room is empty. He finds it weird because he didn’t tell anyone he was going out. Young K gets his phone out and calls him but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries again and gets the same thing. Jae walks out of his room and goes over to Young K.

“Have you seen Wonpil?” Young K asks, confused.

“No, he should be in his room. Is he not? Is he in your room maybe?” Jae shrugs, walking to Young K’s door.

They walk in and look around. Sungjin and Dowoon stare at them confused. Young K checks the bathroom and then under the bed for good measures. Dowoon questions him.

“Have you guys seen Wonpil? He isn’t in his room and his phone is off.” Young K mildly begins to panic.

“That’s weird. I talked to him like an hour ago.” Dowoon checks his phone. “Is he outside, maybe?”

“That’s gotta be it. Either way, we are going out so come on.”

Dowoon and Sungjin walk out and they all head down to the lobby. When the doors open, Young K sprints out to the benches outside. No one is there. He starts to panic, trying to find a rational reason why Wonpil isn’t there.

“Okay. Where the fuck is he?” Young K looks at the parking lot. All the cars are accounted for. “Did he get fucking abducted?”

“Calm down, honey. He probably went to out and used the van instead.” Dowoon suggests.

Young K points across the lot. “The van’s right there.”

Jae turns to look into the lobby but only sees a manager. He walks in and asks him if he has seen Wonpil but he hasn’t. Young K stares at Jae as he walks back out.

“No one has seen him.” Jae gets even more confused. “Look, he’s probably going for a walk. Let’s just drive around to find him.”

Young K agrees and calms himself down. They get into the car and start driving up and down the road, looking for Wonpil. There is no sign of him anywhere. Everyone begins to feel uneasy as they drive around one more time. Dowoon begins to feel sick so he asks if they can pull over. He gets out of the car, grabbing his stomach and running behind a few bushes. As he leans down, he notices something laying on the ground. He picks it up and immediately recognizes it, running back to the car. Everyone looks up at him as he slams against the side of the passenger's side door.

“Wonpil’s phone was on the ground. It’s completely smashed.” Dowoon catches his breath.

Young K throws his seatbelt off and jumps out of the car. “Where was it?”

Everyone goes down to the embankment. “It was under this bush.”

“What if he’s hurt? Dead in a ditch isn’t supposed to be fucking serious!”

“Calm down, we’ll find him.”


	9. Together Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the note at the end of this chapter when you are finished reading.

“Do we call the police?” Sungjin asks, looking around for any sign of Wonpil.

“Yes!” Young K yells out.

“No!” Jae says at the same time. “We shouldn’t panic the public. We can find him.”

“And how the fuck are we going to find him?”

“I don’t know! Let’s just go into the woods and look around. He couldn’t have gone far.”

“He’s not like a lost puppy. He could be any fucking where. But fine, let’s go look on our own.”

Young K begins to walk towards the tree line while the rest look at Jae then back to Young K. Dowoon rushes over to Young K and stops him.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?” Dowoon tries to calm him down.

Young K gets hysterical. “No! My best friend is fucking missing.”

Before Dowoon can respond, Young K pushes him out of the way. Dowoon let’s out a pained cry and grabs his shoulder. Young K immediately runs back to him and apologizes, carefully hugging him. Dowoon tells him he’s fine and walks towards the woods, trying not to get mad. Sungjin and Jae look at each other, Jae keeping his arms crossed.

“Why don’t you want to call the police?” Sungjin asks, a bit snippy.

“Because I doubt anything happened to him. It’s highly unlikely. He probably fucking ran away from all this bullshit.” Jae throws his hands up in anger. “I don’t know. Let’s go look for him.”

The two walk behind Young K and Dowoon. They decide to look in two groups to cover more land. Dowoon and Young K go towards the left while Jae and Sungjin go right. After about ten minutes, Dowoon stops to leans against a tree. He leans over and begins to cough. Young K snaps his head back and walks over to him, rubbing his back. He leans in front of him and pulls his head up. Dowoon tells him he’s okay and tries to push him off.

Sungjin tries to step over a branch, failing and flailing to the ground. Jae turns and tries hard not to laugh. He stops, biting his cheek to hide his smile as Sungjin glares at him. As Sungjin stands back up, something catches his eye. He walks over to it and picks it up.

“Isn’t this Wonpil’s bracelet?” Sungjin hold a bracelet made of black cording up.

“Maybe, here let me see.” Jae says, holding his hand out.

He examines it but assumes it could be similar to Wonpil’s instead. His hands shake slightly as he puts it in his pocket, trying not to show his panic rising. Sungjin continues searching, yelling for Wonpil every few feet.

After about two hours, the group reaches the end of the small forest. Dowoon and Young K meet the other two half way. Everyone is sweating and out of breath. Jae’s face had turned red and he sits down on the ground. He digs the bracelet out of his pocket and plays with it. Young K immediately questions him about it.

“Sungjin found it when he ate the dirt. We think it might be Wonpil’s but it’s just a common bracelet it could be anyone’s.” Jae tells him, holding it out for Young K to look.

“It’s gotta be his, it’s got the same wear marks.” Young K replies, holding it tightly in his hands.

“How in the hell do you pay that much attention to detail?”

“I don’t know. I guess I always pay attention to the small shit.” He pauses and looks over to Dowoon as they all sit. “Hey, what did Wonpil say to you when he texted you.”

Dowoon digs his phone out and checks his messages. “He said ‘holy shit, what am I doing?’”

“That’s-that’s weird. Right? What did you say back?”

“I said ‘what do you mean’ and he never replied.”

Everyone gets quiet, trying to figure out where their friend is. Jae pops his head up when he hears a strange noise from over the hill. The others look at him like he’s crazy when he gets up and runs towards it. Sungjin let’s out a long sigh before standing up and running after him. The other two do the same, Dowoon jogging close behind them all. Jae stands at the top of the hill and screams for Wonpil. They all listen silently for an answer. Everyone barrels down the other side of the hill, trying to find him.

“Fine. Call the police.” Jae finally says as he breaks down crying. “He’s fucking gone.”

Sungjin pulls Jae in for a hug and the other two follow. When they pull away, Dowoon looks at the cracked screen of Wonpil’s phone, trying not to get too upset. Young K’s lip quivers as he pulls at his hair, walking back towards the car. As he walks, he digs the car key into his leg. Dowoon looks down at him and grabs the keys. Jae notices Dowoon looking a pale green color and asks if he’s okay. He reassures everyone that he is in fact fine, just feeling a bit sick.

Before they reach the end of the forest, they stop for a small break. Young K carefully wraps his arm around Dowoon, who he notices is swaying back and forth.

“Hey, babe. Do you need some water or something?” Young K asks him, pointing towards the road.

“I’m not going to.” Dowoon says, confusing everyone.

They are surprised when Dowoon drops to the ground and begins to seize. Young K begins to cry due to exhaustion, collapsing down to Dowoon. He grabs his head and holds it still. Jae stares, trying not to freak out. He wraps his arm around Sungjin’s and lays his head on his shoulder. They all wait impatiently for Dowoon’s seizure to pass.

Dowoon wakes back up but stays on the ground. He feels with shoulder get stiff, slowly grabbing for it. Young K helps him sit up against a tree, resting his hand on Dowoon’s head.

Everyone’s heads snap up when they hear a branch snap a few yards away. Sungjin let’s go of Jae and begins to walk towards it. He is shocked to see two police officers and a K-9 unit walking towards them. The officers reach them and greet them. Young K jumps up and runs over.

“Can you please help us? Our friend’s missing.” Young K begs.

“Is that why you’re trespassing? How long ago did he go missing?” One officer asks, handing the leash to the other.

“I don’t know exactly, we’ve been out here for three hours.”

“Hey wait, I have his bracelet. Do you think the dog could use it to find him?” Jae jumps over, waving the bracelet around.

“It’s a bit small but we can try.” He looks to the other officer. “You take Spark and help him and I’m gonna keep talking to them.”

The other officer agrees and leans down to the dog. Jae does the same. He hands the bracelet to the officer who holds it up to the dog’s nose. He sniffs for a minute then turns to sniff the air, then the ground. Everyone stares as the dog doesn’t move for a few more seconds. He begins to pull on the leash and Young K rushes to his side as he begins his search.

The officer that stayed behind leans down to Dowoon, who is reaching into his pocket. He pulls out Wonpil’s phone and hands it to him. The officer examines it, trying to turn it on.

“Was your friend acting weird or different before he went missing?” The officer asks.

“He sent a text saying something about how he didn’t know what he was doing but he never said anything after that. It was an hour before we noticed him gone.” Dowoon replies, slightly proud of himself for being able to speak English well.

Dowoon attempts to stand up but fails. The officer and Sungjin grab his arms and pull him up. He thanks them and slowly begins to walk.

“I’m worried, he’s never just disappeared like this before. We aren’t even from here so it’s not like he’s going to somewhere he knows.” Sungjin tries not to panic himself.

“Where are you from? We will try our best to find him.” The officer places his hands on his hip.

“South Korea. We came for our tour.”

“Oh are you in a band? Is your friend in the band, too?”

“Yes, we all are. He’s the keyboardist and vocalist. We’ve pretty much had bad luck since we arrived here.” He chokes up.

“What do each of you do in the band?”

“I’m a guitarist and vocalist, Dowoon is the drummer, Jae is a guitarist and vocalist, and Brian is the bassist, rapper, and vocalist.”

“Sounds nice.”

“I know you’re trying to keep us calm but can we please find my friend?”

The three walk towards the other group. Sungjin and Dowoon shake with nerves as they see them just ahead. Jae turns around and collides into Sungjin. The full group is lead to somewhere the boys hadn’t searched. Young K holds his breath as they reach a clearing. The dog pulls on the leash and begins to bark. The officer unhooks him and lets him run across the field.

The boys look at each other before running after him as fast as they can. They have to stop to catch their breath, Dowoon coughing violently. Young K rubs his back to make him feel better. The officers catch up to them and they all make their way to the dog. At the top of the hill is a crumpled note. Young K picks it up without a second thought.

_I never thought I’d feel this disappointed in myself. I’ve ruined many lives in such a short amount of time. I’m sorry Sungjin. I’m sorry Jae. I’m sorry Younghyun. I’m sorry Dowoon. I love you all._

Young K shakes as he passes the note around to the rest of the group. Jae begins to cry as he drops the note back on the ground. Sungjin and Dowoon fall to their knees, Dowoon doubling over and putting his head in the grass.

“This can’t be happening.” Young K grabs his hair, hyperventilating. “Please. Oh god.”

Jae stumbles back, feeling himself get sick. He drops down and throws up stomach acid. His body shivers as he sits, holding his head. Young K turns to the officers, grabbing the one’s arm and collapsing into his chest.

“Please, we need to find him.” Young K pleads.

He looks around and screams, running down the hill. Everyone follows him, stopping half way. Young K stands at the bottom of the hill in front of a small dip on the ground. There is a small rose bush growing around it. Just under the branches, they can see a hand poking out. Young K cries out as he rips at the bush. The thorns cut his hands and arms but he doesn’t care. Once they are gone, he chokes on the air. Wonpil lays peacefully, aside from a few scratches from the bush. Young K pulls him up by his shoulders and holds him to his chest. His body is limp but warm. Young K screams hysterically, crying into Wonpil’s shoulder.

Dowoon feels his legs give as he passes out. Sungjin and Jae run down but Young K pushes them away, pulling Wonpil closer. He rocks him, keeping ahold of his head so it doesn’t fall back. Jae is finally able to pull Young K away as he falls to his side, screaming again. Sungjin leans down to Young K and tries to pick him up. He’s surprised when Young K turns and punches him on the face.

The officers walk down to them and over to Wonpil. One leans down and checks is pulse. Everyone holds their breath, waiting for him to tell them anything. They begin to get impatient as he checks multiple spots. He leans his head down to Wonpil’s face to check if he’s breathing. When he pulls away, Dowoon has walked down to everyone, wrapping his arms around Young K. Jae cries into Sungjin’s chest, trying to get a breath and failing. When he pulls away, he feels lightheaded, falling backwards. Sungjin catches him by his arms and pulls him forward.

“Call a bus.” The officer tells the other.

The other officer walks away to call for the ambulance while the other stays on the ground. He looks around for evidence that caused Wonpil’s condition. Young K rushes over to the officer on the ground.

“You called an ambulance. That means he’s alive, right?” Young K asks sounding like one complete word.

He drops back down to Wonpil, placing his hand over his cheek. Wonpil’s face is sickeningly pale. Young K holds him the entire time they wait for the EMT’s to arrive. They can all hear the sirens as they get closer. The EMT’s have to carry a stretcher through the woods and across the field. The officers meet them at the top of the hill to lead them over to Wonpil. When they reach him, they ask the group a few questions.

“Did you administer any chest compressions, medicines, or fluids of any kind?” One EMT asks, turning to the boys.

“No, I didn’t even think to do anything like that.” Young K throws his hands up in frustration with himself.

“Okay, that isn’t always a bad thing that you didn’t do it. If done improperly, you could break ribs or cause him to choke. Do you know what exactly happened?”

“Not exactly. We found a note he wrote and then found him lying here.” He begins to cry again, pulling his hands to his face. “Oh god, please he can’t fucking die.”

Everyone rushes back to the car, seeing the cop car behind theirs and the ambulance behind it. They notice that the ambulance is for a different hospital. It takes the EMT’s a few more minutes before they get back to the ambulance. They follow them to the hospital, keeping up with their speed. Young K almost loses control of the car as he pulls into the parking lot. Everyone runs inside, looking around for the right way to go. Jae goes to a desk and ask where the ER waiting room is. She points down the hall and they thank her, rushing down to it. The set up at this hospital is completely different. The ER rooms are completely separated from the waiting room, on the other side of the wing. Jae looks around, noticing they are the only ones here.

They get more nervous the longer they have to wait. Jae’s fingers have started bleeding as he bites at them while shaking his leg. Sungjin and Dowoon lean forward, staring silently at the wall in front of them. Young K picks at a scab on his hand, digging his nails deep into his skin.

An hour passes and they hear doors open down the hall. As the sounds get closer, their hearts stop. The door to the waiting room slowly creeps open. A doctor peeks his head in, walking in fully as he sees the group. They all stand up but he suggests they all sit down. The boys stare at him emotionlessly, waiting for him to give an update. He clears his throat and tries to give a smile. Jae covers his face and starts to loudly cry but the others try to keep calm.

“I’m sorry.” Is all the doctor can say.

Dowoon’s body numbs as he falls backwards into a chair. Young K screams and begins to charge towards the doctor. He grabs him by the collar and yells in his face.

“You piece of shit! Why didn’t you save him? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Young K’s screams fill the room. “This stupid fucking hospital can’t do their job and save one fucking person?”

Jae and Sungjin run up to him and pull him back just before he hits the doctor. Young K drops down on all fours and begins to hyperventilate. Sungjin steps away, feeling the blood drain from his face as he faints. His head cracks against a chair but he doesn’t react. As he comes to, he just begins to cry, staring at the ground. The doctor steps towards the door and opens it.

“If you’d like to say your final goodbyes, I can bring to down to the room.” He says, stepping as far away from Young K as possible.

“Please, let us see him.” Jae pleads. “One last time.”

“I should warn you though, the room and his body are a bit messy. So be prepared for that.”

As they walk down the hall, no one says a word. They feel their stomachs twist the further down the hall they get. The doctor opens the door to Wonpil’s room but no one walks in. Jae and Young K stare at the doctor, emotionless. Dowoon and Sungjin have their arms wrapped around each other to keep themselves standing. Young K eventually gets the strength to move his feet, shaking as he walks through the doorway.

He covers his mouth and cries in his hand as he stands at the edge of the bed. The other boys walk in behind him, unable to keep themselves from crying. Wonpil lays on the bed. His shirt is torn open and there are patches connected to his chest. They are no longer wired to the monitors. His face looks ghostly and his cheeks have started to sink in.

Jae and Sungjin hold each other tightly. Dowoon places his hand on Young K’s shoulder and tries to get him to turn towards him. Young K throws his hand off and spins around, pushing Dowoon into the wall. He hits hard, almost throwing up from the pain in his shoulder. Young K slowly walks to the side of the bed, wrapping his hands around the bar. He looks around at the equipment thrown around the room. The defibrillator is shoved into a corner. There is a tray with multiple needles and vials and wrappers for the needles all around the floor. He shakily places his hand on Wonpil’s arm. His heart hurts as he feels his skin already begin to cool.

“I need to go.” Young K whispers. “Goodbye, beautiful.”

He chokes as he quickly walks out, covering his mouth with his arm. Everyone slowly says their goodbyes one by one. Sungjin doesn’t immediately leave, standing to the left of Wonpil’s bed. He leans down and places his hand over Wonpil’s.

“I never got to tell you that I loved you too. I will always love you.” He begins to cry, letting his head fall forward.

Jae stands at the door, staring at Sungjin. He walks away before Sungjin gets up. They don’t immediately leave the parking lot, sitting in the car for what seems like hours. Young K looks over as he sees the managers and coordinators pull into the lot as well as what he assumes is a news van. He blinks hard as they all starts to walk into the hospital. The manager politely pushes the cameras back away from them. When the camera crew continues, he turns and violently pushes them back. He walks into the building, covering his face.

“Do we go back in?” Dowoon asks quietly.

“No. That will just give the media something to make bullshit articles about.” Young K says, turning the car on.

He drives out of the lot just as he sees people approach the car. Jae turns and glares at them, shocked. The boys don’t go back to the hotel, instead they find a small park about 5 miles out. They all sit on the ground, watching kids play with their families. Dowoon lays his head on Young K’s lap.

“I still miss Junhyeok.” Young K sighs. “If this world is just going to keep killing our family one by one, what’s the point of staying alive?”

“At least he isn’t in pain anymore. I’m just glad we were able to stay by his side the whole time.” Dowoon replies, wrapping his arm around his waist. “Maybe this is all a test to see if we are strong enough.”

“I never got to tell him goodbye. I wasn’t ready to accept he was actually dying.”

“No one is ever ready to accept that. We just need to hold on and hope life gets better.”

“I’ve lost two of my best friends in such a short amount of time. There is no getting better. Our entire world is crumbling down on us.” He pauses to look at the others. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”

Jae sits up form where he was leaning on Sungjin. “We don’t have to be a band anymore. But please, don’t make me lose all of my family at once.”

Young K buries his face in his hands and begins to weep. Everyone crowds around him, hugging him while crying as well. Dowoon pulls his hands down and kisses his forehead. Jae and Sungjin kiss the top of his head, before hugging him again. When they pull away, he lays backwards on the grass, staring at the trees above him. Tears roll down his face and onto his neck.

“I’ve never wanted to give up more than I do now.” Young K says quietly but loud enough for the others to hear.

Jae stands up and begins to walk down the path. Everyone gets up and walks behind him, confused and concerned. He stops when he sees an old bridge across the way. Sungjin sees as well and looks at Jae, surprised.

“Jae, what are you doing?” Sungjin asks, keeping a slight grip on Jae’s arm.

“Giving up.” Jae smiles and continues walking.

Sungjin pulls him back and pushes him into his chest. “No. I can’t lose you.”

Jae holds his breath to keep from crying again. He feels his head tighten as he buries his face into Sungjin’s shoulder. Young K and Dowoon walk down to the bridge and stare at the water underneath. The slow current calms them down slightly. Young K sits down and holds onto the metal bars in front of him. Dowoon reaches into his pocket and pulls Wonpil’s phone out. Young K looks up at him as he throws the phone into the water. He slides down the bars and stares at the opposite side, trying to keep himself from having a panic attack.

Sungjin and Jae slowly walk up to them, Jae leaning against the railing. Sungjin sits down with the two, keeping his arm wrapped around Jae’s legs. Jae lets one hand drop and rest on top of Sungjin’s head.

“We always said we would be together forever.” Jae fakes a smile.

The three stand up and lean beside Jae. Young K looks at the rust on his hand, wiping it off on his pants.

“And we still can be.” Young K replies, jumping up to sit in the railing.

Everyone else does the same, staring out at the water across from them. They smile at the walkers and bikers who pass them. They hold each other’s hands and look up at the sky. No one stops to speak with them once. Young K kisses Dowoon’s hand and he does the same to Young K’s. Sungjin smiles before kissing Jae.

“Together forever.” They say at the same time, closing their eyes and smiling as the sun hits their faces.

They relax as they slowly lean back, never letting go of each other’s hands. Their minds empty as they fall towards the water, hitting it all at the same time. Everything goes black as they pass out from the impact to let their lungs fill with water. They slowly sink as they finally all get to be together forever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ending seems a bit overly depressing and crazy but please, remember this is based off things I have gone through and seen in my life. Last October, I lost a friend to suicide and just months later I lost one of my biggest inspirations. In that time I became delusional, my life felt fake after that. The times I wanted to run away are too many to count. But I stayed strong and I wrote this story as a way for my readers to understand that people do go through these hardships. I want everyone to be more aware of what goes on underneath something as simple as a smile. You are all beautiful and I love you all. Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> We love you Mark, Jonghyun, and Minwoo  
> You are forever in our hearts.


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